


Deep breath

by TheRandomCookie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Being gay isn't a big deal, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Late Night Conversations, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Is a Sweetheart, M/M, Public Display of Affection, Slow Burn, Smut, Teasing, Tender Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2018-08-30 18:54:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8545201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRandomCookie/pseuds/TheRandomCookie
Summary: Eren struggles to make friends the first year of university. After a party night with a rich guy that changes, he finds himself going to his place every weekend and they get really close. But Eren isn't happy with the relationship A stranger he sees on the bus every Sunday shows what real love feels like.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knoooow, please don't beat me up over the other works I haven't updated! >.< I'm sorry! I'll get on that right away I just wanted to get this out as soon as I could! Love you too <3

_I thought this moment to be more peaceful. I was wrong. But that's okay, it won't last long. Hopefully..._

* * *

Today's like any other. Gloomy and cold. 

_My heart is pounding like crazy! I'm so nervous! Okay, just breathe, I'll be fine..._

 Eren took a deep breath before opening the classroom door. It's his first day at a university. All the people directed all their eyes to him. He sheepishly smiled and found his seat in the top back corner. 

 Unsurprisingly, there weren't many people gathered yet. Eren wanted to come early on the first day. He doesn't know how long it'll continue before he gives up good behavior. It didn't last very long in high school. But he's an adult now. Responsible for himself. It's exciting and terrifying.

His parents reluctantly let him go live in the dorms. Although his friends, Armin and Mikasa stayed in the dorms right next to him, they went to different schools. It's only natural since each of the decided to pursue different goals.

Mikasa wants to be a professional athlete and Armin always wanted to go to a medical school. Mikasa decides to follow Armin's footsteps. Secure job as she said. Eren didn't know what he wanted to do. He decided it was best to take up engineering. You'll always find a job somewhere if you're an engineer.

As time went on, more people began gathering. Eren sighed to himself as he saw unfamiliar people pass by, not even paying him a glance. Some people were already friends, some were loners like him. Eren kept telling himself he's not here to make friends, just study.

When the professor showed up Eren was too busy taking notes and paying attention to really think about friendship at all. The classes were a bit different from high school. It takes some getting used to, but it's not all bad. Eren's just not used to taking classes this long. 

During his free period he went out to get lunch, meeting up with Mikasa and Armin. Eren's heart felt at ease when they began talking. At least one thing hasn't changed since high school. It's their friendship. He found comfort in the lack of change between them regarding communication. They're still the same immature and caring people Eren has been friends with since early childhood. 

"Have you made any new friends, Eren?" Mikasa asked after swallowing a bite if her sandwich. 

"No, I was too focused on the lecture..." he nervously scratched his neck. 

"Have you, Mikasa?" Armin folded up a paper napkin he just used. 

"Hm? I wouldn't call it friendship. She's kind of a bitch..." 

"Why am not surprised..?" Eren sighed. He looked at his watch. "Gotta go, we'll meet after classes, right?"

"Sure"

* * *

 

The first week passed by fast, but not fast enough. The time felt as quick as light during classes. It seems like he just woke up and it's already time for lunch. But after classes the time felt slower than ever. Two of Eren's friends are busy or tired after the day so he doesn't have much to do.

It's hard to make friends for him at first but later on he knows someone will talk to him or he'll go to some party and his social break through will begin. But until that happens...

_***Ding*** _

Eren phone showed a message from an unknown number. It read:

**_I'm hosting a party for all who care to show up as a celebration for me for getting into university! Bring drinks and food, gifts are accepted as well. There will be alcohol and mature games ;*_ **

That got him curious and excited. After the paragraph the time and address were written. Eren wasn't sure how they got his number but this is his chance to do something social and make friends. 

* * *

 Lo and behold, he's standing at the doorstep of the address written in the message. It's a pretty big place. They must have rich parents or something. 

Without much pondering, Eren was practically pulled in after ringing the door. The place was packed with people. The music was blasting, Eren almost went deaf, but he got used to it after a while. 

He must've navigated the crowd from room to room before he got to meet the host. Eren snatched a bottle of a mix, vodka and watermelon. That's what the label said, at least. 

He struggled to keep the liquid from spilling, as everyone was going crazy over the music. Eren locked eyes with a tall, seemingly handsome fella. His hair was rather fair on top, but dark on the bottom. He was one of the few people who could rock an undercut. thean waved at Eren, making his way through the crowd to him.

"Hey, you're also a first year, aren't you?" his smile was blindingly white and perfect. "I'm Jean, by the way."

 "Eren. Pleasure to meet you." Eren shook hands with the handsome host. 

"Are You enjoying the party so far?" 

"Yeah, it's okay. Don't really know anyone, though." Eren took a sip of his mix. 

"You know me." Jean laughed. Eren joined by only letting out a small snicker. 

"How many of these people do you know?" Eren dragged them to a little quieter place to talk. 

"At least half of them. I don't know, it's hard to recognize anyone in that crowd. Especially, since it's fairly dark." 

"Mind introducing them to me? Like I said, I don't know anyone else here." Eren finished his bottle in a swift gulp and set it down on the nearby table. 

"Not at all." he smirked. 

........

The fun continued and it was time for those "mature games" mentioned. Eren wasn't sure if he would participate, spectating was fun, but being a part of that show seems a tad bit embarrassing. 

"Hey, Eren, wanna try it?" Jean tapped him on the shoulder. 

"Nah, I don't think I'm drunk enough to not get embarrassed..." Eren tried to squeeze out a laugh, but what he said was too true to be funny. 

"I'll get you more drinks, then." before Eren could protest against it, Jean was already picking up a bottle of vodka and pouring double shots. 

He made it back with the drinks in a minute. Jean handed him both shot glasses. 

"You want me to hold yours for a bit?" Eren asked, confused about it. 

"Oh no, honey, those are for you." Jean smiled. His face was visibly red. He was way more drunk than Eren. Maybe it's good he isn't going to drink it. 

"But doesn't this make, like, four shots?" he tried talking his way out if this. 

"Yeah!" Jean replied excitedly. 

Seeing as he didn't have a problem with it, Eren had no more excuses left. He downed both of them and felt it almost instantly.

"Drunk enough?" Jean rested his arm around Eren, pulling him closer to himself. 

"Almost." 

"Damn, you got seriously high alcohol tolerance." a slight hint of surprise and admiration lingered in his tone. 

"Those high school parties payed off..." Eren mumbled to himself. 

After a couple more drinks Eren was first in line for the games, dragging Jean behind him. 

One of the first games they participated in was "Blind something..." Eren couldn't really hear the name, but he didn't care. It wasn't the most explicit game at the party, but he figured its a good place to start. 

Person A gets safety pins pinned on their clothes in random places. Person B, who is blind folded, has to find the pins and remove them.  

Eren did a fine job finding the pins on Jeans body. Nothing too difficult. But Jean seemed to have trouble with it. 

He'd always grab Eren in the wrong places. Miles from the pin. It took him a while to figure out where Jean was going with this. It was clear as day when he straight up grabbed Eren's crotch. He jolted at the  gesture. Jean looked amused. 

Eren pressed against Jean's chest, saying into his ear:

"What are you doing?" 

"Trying to find the pin." he said with a devious smirk on his face. 

"Well, spoiler alert, they didn't put it on my crotch. You can stop rubbing it now." 

"But it got you hard. You're enjoying this, am I wrong?" Jean squeezed a little harder. 

"Not in front of everyone!" 

_***Clinck*** _

Jean got the pin off. Eren sighed in relief and  moved on to the corner to scold Jean.

"What if someone saw that?!" 

"They don't care... I know these people. Come on, relax..." Jean traced his hands from Eren's back to his ass, squeezing it tight. Once again, Eren jumped a little. "Let me take you to my bedroom, you beautiful thing..." Jean whispered into his ear. 

"Just for a quick one. And only so that I don't get blue balls." Eren replied. 

Eren could feel the smirk on Jean's face as he kissed his neck. Jean let go for just a second before grabbing Eren's hand and taking him upstairs. 

His bedroom was more luxurious than Eren had anticipated. He really was rich. And handsome. 

Jean wasted no time throwing Eren on the bed and undoing his belt. Eren was a bit uncomfortable with how fast Jean was doing everything. But he didn't struggle to keep up. 

All he wanted was him. Thirsty for only him. Those eyes, that smile, those hands. It did wonders for him. 

Eren felt electricity run up his spine every time they touched. 

Jean's hands roamed greedily. He didn't fear to spare time to leave bite marks anywhere his lips landed. Eren moaned out of pleasure and pain. 

Eren stiffened when Jean's hand reached his cock. He traced circles around the tip of Eren's penis. He made Eren tremble with every stroke. 

Jean grabbed Eren's throbbing cock and held it in his hand, taking in the size of it. 

"You're definitely not lacking downstairs." He smirked. 

"Same could be said about you, rich boy." Eren gave back the same smirk. 

Jean drowned his fingers in Eren's mouth, expecting him to coat them with saliva. And he did as expected. Making sure it was nice and lubricated. Jean pulled out the fingers and moved to Eren's ass. He traced around his asshole. Slowly, he slipped one of the fingers. After getting used to it, Jean slipped in another. 

After the warm up, he put the tip of his dick against Eren's hole. He teased him for a bit until Jean couldn't take it himself. He slowly thrust into him, going all in. 

"Fuck, baby, you're so tight..." Jean panted. 

"Your dick feels bigger than it looks--" Eren was interrupted by Jean thrusting into him harder, hitting his prostate. Eren couldn't tame his moans and didn't hold back. 

Jean took a bit of Eren's skin between his teeth and bit it. Gently at first to gain another moan from him. Then he went harder, drawing blood. This time Eren shifted from pain. 

Eren almost moved away, but Jean kept him pinned down firmly. Jean planted a kiss on the bite mark and continued thrusting even harder than before. 

"I'm so close!" Eren moaned. Seconds before he was overcome with pleasure. Jean came after. 

Jean finally let go of Eren's wrists. Eren could feel them burning, a glance confirmed that they were bruised. Next to his hands he saw Jean laying down next to him, facing the ceiling and panting heavily. 

"That was amazing!" Jean breathed out. 

Eren kept his mouth shut. He didn't know what was good or bad sex. This was his first time. Well, first consensual time. With those thoughts, Eren stumbled to the bathroom and threw up. He's not used to taking so much alcohol. And the nervousness added up to him puking all over the toilet. 

He's gonna feel horrible tomorrow morning. 

* * *

 

The painfully bright light of the morning sun draped over him in bed. It felt like looking into the sun itself, a meter away from it.  Eren hid his head under the covers. The unfamiliar scent made him fully conscious. Eren sat up right almost instantly and regretted doing so. 

He totally forgot he slept at Jean's place tonight. He didn't get much time to think about it because he needed to use the bathroom, pronto. He threw up what was left of yesterday's intoxication and flushed the toilet. 

Eren cursed at the lack of a toothbrush, but he found mouth wash. That works too.

When Eren left, Jean was still sleeping. He borrowed a couple pain killers and set off to catch a bus ride home.

* * *

 It felt like the world was ten times louder than normal. And his head was splitting.

"Why do pain killers take so long to fucking work?" he mumbled to himself. 

The only other person in that bus besides the driver heard that. But he didn't do anything more than throw a glance at the suffering young adult. 

It was still early, Sunday. One would expect for a bus to be pretty empty, but not with only two people. 

Eren couldn't help his curiosity and lifted his heavy head up to look at the stranger he crossed paths with on the bus... 

Although, he was sitting down, the man didn't seem too tall. His hair was dark, and his eyes matching with his hair like the night sky with the starts. 

Eren stared at him a bit too long. It was hard prying his eyes off that beautiful man. But his phone rang. He squinted at the screen. It's Jean's number. Eren sighed and picked up. 

"Morning, tight ass. Where have you gone?"

"Home. I didn't plan to stay overnight..." Eren tried speaking silently. 

"Yeah, whatever. Who are you with?" Jean yawned. 

"No one, I'm alone." Eren said as a matter of fact, throwing a glance at the stranger sitting opposite of him. 

"Well, come back, I miss your chiseled chest and your large cock." His voice was raspy. 

"It was a one time thing... Don't make this into anything more. " Eren said, a bit irritated and a tad louder than he wanted to. It gained another glance from the stranger. 

"What a shame... You're welcome anytime to do it again." 

Jean hung up before letting Eren say anything. Eren rubbed his eyes, he cupped his head, mumbling again. 

"Did you make friends? No but I fucked a rich guy... Fuck..." Eren said in a mocking tone. He sighed. 

Eren found that he had, in fact, said that aloud. His face grew red as the man stared him down. All Eren managed to do was smile and wave. 

_This guy also has an undercut... Is it a fashion craze or something..?_

If it wasn't awkward enough, it turns out they need to get off at the same stop. When the man got closer Eren couldn't help but notice how nice he smelled. 

For a while, they walked the same way, taking the same turns. It almost seemed like he was following Eren. But Eren's suspicions ceased after the man went into a cafe.

It felt wonderful to throw down his backpack and melt into his bed. Eren quickly changed out of his clothes and crawled under the covers to take a nap to fight the hangover. 

* * *

 Eren was woken up by a knock on his door. He lazily rolled out of bed and threw on a shirt before opening the door. 

"Morning, sunshine." Mikasa let herself in. 

"Yeah, you too..." Eren rubbed his temples, closing the door. 

"How's your weekend?" she sat down on the bed. 

"It's fine... Went to a party last night." 

"Ahh, you're hungover, my dear?" Mikasa picked up one of Eren's textbooks and flipped through it. 

"Kind of..." Eren plopped onto his bed next to her. 

"Made any friends?" she tried to keep the conversation going. 

"No... A fuck buddy." Eren mumbled, face planted into his pillow. A slight smile spread across his face. Though she couldn't see it.

"Hilarious. Seriously though." 

"I'm serious, I got laid yesterday." 

"And you failed to mention that?!"

Eren flinched at the loudness of her voice. 

"Can you not shout?" 

"Who is she?" 

"Nngh, he...." Eren kept his face buried. 

"What?"

"It's a he." Eren lifted his head up temporarily. 

There was a space of silence for a good while. 

"Say what?!!" 

"Keep your fucking voice down!" 

"Who is he?" 

"Some rich guy. Now let me sleep, my head is killing me." 

"Not a chance." Mikasa puled back the curtains. 

"Fucking hell, Mikasa!" 

"Who is he. I need to know. If my dearest friend is fucking someone, I need to make sure he's not gonna play you." 

"It's a one night stand, it's fine." Eren spoke softly. 

Mikasa sighed, laying her head next to him. 

"Im just worried about you. I love you."

"I love you, too. Really, it's okay." 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter update xd hope you're not too mad about the lack of activity

One time thing. That's what Eren thought it'd be. But he started going to his place every Friday and leaving Sunday morning. On his way home he'd ,more often than not, see the same guy riding the bus with him. He seemed handsome but too intimidating to talk to. 

Even still isn't sure whether he and Jean are in a relationship. They fuck almost weekly sometimes more often, but they've never explicitly went out as a couple. Fuck buddy would be the way he would describe the rich fellow. But there's something more to it as well. Today's when Eren decides to have a talk.

They're sprawled out on the white leather sofa in jeans living room and watching shitty reality shows on the flat screen TV that seems too big even for a filthy rich guy like him. Eren rests his head on Jean's chest. They lay there while Jean lazily plays with Eren's hair. The sun is still warming the room through the huge windows leading to the terrace. 

Eren's heart is beating fast. He's about to ask the big question. Jean notices his stare. 

"Hm? What is it?" He draws his attention to the male lying on top of him.

Eren hesitated. "I started wondering... after all this time, are we... officially dating?" 

Jean sighs. He turned his gaze to the side,avoiding meeting Eren's eyes. 

"The thing is..."  
Jean was interrupted by the front door creaking open. He quickly jumped up, pushing Eren away.

"Hey, Jean did you-" his sister walked in holding her purse with the coat still on. Her hot pink lipstick matched her bubble of gum she blew while staring at them both questioningly. "Oh, I didn't know you had friends." she finally averted her eyes elsewhere and dropped the purse on the kitchen table.

"Ha ha, fucking hilarious." Jean snarled.

"Don't swear, I'll tell mom." she smiled slyly. "Anyway, he's cute. You single?" she blew another bubble.

"About that-" Eren tried speaking up but Jean shushed him.

"You are not dating my friends, you know how that turned out last time."

She stuck out her tongue and draped her coat over the sofa. "Whatever, this won't last long." she walked towards the stairs leading to the bedrooms, but stopped to whisper in Eren's ear: "When you two are through being friends, call me." she winked and slipped her phone number in his pocket.

"One hell of an honest sister, huh?" Eren said after she had left.

"Tell me about it..."

"So about our..."

"Right... well, I'll tell you later, right now it's probably best if you leave - I don't want her to come back down again and terrorize us." Jean sounded urgent.

"Alright. See you next week?"

"Maybe sooner..." he winked and smiled. It made Eren's heart melt. Eren smiled back.

* * *

He had missed the bus by just a minute. It's almost dark and it started drizzling. Why doesn't this damn stop have a roof? That's what Eren always asked himself. Just the mere thought of being together with Jean made him feel warm inside. Before Eren could thing of anything else, it started raining. He cursed himself for not taking an umbrella but focused on the city lights in  the distance, across the river. The bridge is shining a deep blue today. Without soaking in the rain for much longer, the bus came closer from the distance. Eren sighed in relief and got on it, surprised to see no one on the bus. But that's only natural seeing that it's rain. Although it does feel a little odd without the man who always rides the bus with him on Sunday mornings. A strange feeling in his chest... Could it be disappointment? But Eren doesn't even know his name.

"How can you miss someone whom you don't even know?" Eren whispered to himself. 

He finally reached his "home" stop. Eren doesn't recall when he started calling his dorm room home, but that's how it is now. As he was getting off, a man with an umbrella was getting on. Eren only saw his face when he closed the umbrella, it was the man he always sees every Sunday.

"Wait-" Eren said without thinking.

The stranger stopped in his tracks, looking back at the young boy.

"Your shoe lace is untied..." Eren felt the words slip out faster than his brain could consciously register the loose shoelaces.

The man looked down at his shoes and right at that moment the bus door closed and it took off. Eren kept his eyes on the back of the bus as it disappeared into the horizon. He sighed and made it to his dorm, drowning in his thoughts.

* * *

 "Come on, Eren. It's just one glass,"  Jean pressed a fine glass of whiskey to Eren's chest. "for the occasion." His voice was seductive and sweet, the tone Eren hears a lot of, yet one that he still can't resist.

"I promised I wouldn't drink tonight... I have a test tomorrow." Eren still tried to refuse, almost apologetically.

"You won't get hung over just one glass, babe. Please? Just for the toast..." Jean leaned in and whispered into his ear: "If you take it, I'll tell you something special..." He smirked.

"Fine, just this once, though."

The crowd of people cheered as Jean finished saying the toast and everyone seemed eager to start the party officially. Eren mingled among the crowd for awhile before being pulled aside by Jean.

"Hey, what's up?" Eren held his half finished drink close to his chest.

"Remember when you asked me about being officially a couple?"

"Yeah.. Have you finally made up your mind?" Eren looked at him expectantly.

"Yes. Eren. Will you be my boyfriend?"

"Finally... It sounded too much like a marriage proposal though..."

"Was I trying too much?" Jean's smile dropped.

"A little bit." Eren nodded, hiding his smirk with his glass of unfinished whiskey.

"I'm gonna go even further."

"No, please don't, this is embarrassing enough..." Eren dropped his eyes to the floor, fidgeting with his drink.

Jean planted a kiss on Eren's forehead.

"Listen, everybody, this is my-" Eren put a hand over Jean's mouth, shutting him up.

"I hate you so fucking much. Shut the fuck up or I'll leave."

"I love you too, jerk." Jean smugly kissed him and the annoyance melted off Eren's mind completely.

"I can't stay long, I still need to study..."

"No, stay, I don't see you often...at least stay the night. This is special, I want to fuck you tonight..."

"How romantic. Except it won't be when I fail my test..."

Jean took the glass out of Eren's hands and placed it elsewhere.

"Wh-what are you..." Eren smiled at Jean's kisses on his neck.

Jean pushed Eren on the couch, crawling on top of him.

"We can do it right here, in front of everyone."

"Don't be ridiculous." Eren rolled his eyes.

"Just thinking about it makes me hard, you're so hot." Jean stared at the boy below him. "...that's the only quality you have..." Jean murmured under his nose.

"I'm sorry what was that?" Eren smiled, thinking it was something Jean was too embarrassed to say loud. Although, he can hardly imagine what that could be.

"Nothing, babe... Let's take this upstairs?"

"Hmmm... maybe." Eren said teasingly.

* * *

Eren knew he'd regret not going home early to study. Now he's almost certain he'll fail. Eren looked around the room, everyone has their heads down except for two people who seem to be communicating in Morse code. One's a girl with brown hair in a pony tail and the other looks like a bald kid. Good thing Eren loved playing spies when he was a kid, he can still decipher some parts of what they're saying. Turns out, that's their cheating technique. 

Of course, to save his burning ass, Eren began writing down the answers. Wasn't long before he finished. He sighed with relief when he left the classroom. His day is free. He has no idea what to do with his free time anymore, Mikasa and Armin are still in classes and the only thing he does in his free time is sleep and meet with Jean.

Eren decided to visit the cafe near the university territory. He' seen the man go in there every time they get off at the same stop. Maybe it's really good or something...

He didn't think about it before but it's pretty sad to be sitting alone in a cafe. At least he has his laptop as a crutch. His heart almost jumped out of his chest when he saw the same man he sees on the bus, in an apron, serving other tables. Eren found himself staring and tried to concentrate on his notes to see how badly he actually did on the test.

The waitress who served him wasn't the one he was eyeing before. Maybe it's for the best because he probably wouldn't be able to muster up a word. Every now and again he'd pick his eyes off the computer screen just to see if he was around. Eventually, his waitress caught on and approached him teasingly. She sat down opposite of Eren and, despite having customers to serve, she leaned in and smirked at him.

"I saw you checking out one of our employees..." She had a smile so wide it felt like her cheeks might rip.

"I-I wasn't checking anyone out!" Eren stuttered out, a little too defensively.

"Sure you weren't." She said mockingly. "He's single. Just.. if you wanted to know..."

"Why would I want to know that?" Eren felt himself get more and more flustered with every heartbeat.

"No reason whatsoever..." she got up and returned behind the bar.

Eren sighed. Thank god he's almost done with his drink, he'll be out soon. It's too uncomfortable, it feels like their stares are all on him. He was almost completely relieved until Mikasa walked in. Eren was getting up from his seat just as Mikasa grabbed him by the shoulders and sat him back down.

"How the fuc-"

"I have connections." she interrupted him.

"You are an actual stalker."

"No, a stalker would not interact directly with their person of interest."

"Look at you, pretending to be all smart and shit. Anyway, you came in too late, I'm already leaving."

"Oh? Why?" she looked around. "Are the waiters rude?"

"Maybe a bit too nosy."

"Okay..." she furrowed her eyebrows and looked around a second time.

The man Eren was eyeing all day is coming their way and Eren looked to the wall to avoid any eye contact. But it was impossible to ignore him because he started talking. Now he was screaming inside.

"Your, uhm, waitress told me you wanted to talk to me?"

"No, she's just making fun of me... I'm sorry."

"While you're here could you get me a flat white, please?" Mikasa said nonchalantly.

"Sure." He gave Eren a glance and walked off. Eren saw him taking to the red haired waitress, who sent him to Eren's table.

"Wait... His last name is the same as yours. Do you know him?"

"No, who knows maybe he's my long lost cousin or something..." she played with her earring while turning her attention to the waiter.

"Why are you here?" Eren pouted, looking at his empty cup.

"Because, apparently, you've got a boyfriend now. _And_ you haven't told me." she leaned on her elbows, almost sighing.

"Yeah, well, that's because there wasn't time to tell you. It happened yesterday, how do you even know that?" Eren furrowed his eyebrows, sounding a little annoyed.

"I can't believe you got together with that rich cunt."

"Hey!" Eren warned her to chill.

"Sorry, but that's what he is. Don't you know? He has a history, just so you know. He's a playboy, he'll throw you away like a paper bag after he's done with you."

"And how exactly do you know that?" Eren crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.

"Because I've talked with some people and they all said the same thing: stay away."

"I'm not buying it, you just want me all to yourself."

"Ha ha, fuck you. I'm looking out for you, the least you can do is thank me once in a while."

The waiter came back, setting the coffee cup along with a napkin. Mikasa picked her eyes up to look at Eren, smirking.

"What?" he sighed.

She lifted the napkin to reveal a phone number on it. "Somebody likes you..."

"Hilarious, but if you didn't notice, it's your napkin. So it's for you."

She tamed her smile and moved her thumb where the text read: _Pretty boy_. She finally burst out in giggles.

"I'm flattered, but I'm taken."

"Ugh, this cute waiter is way, _WAY_ better than the rich rat. I still hold my ground." she folded the napkin neatly.

"Why don't _you_ keep it. If it was intended to me, you'll just apologize and hang up. You'll say it's a misunderstanding."

"Fine, hold onto it for a while, I don't want to lose it." Mikasa shoved the napkin in Eren's hand and almost chugged down all her coffee.

"Twisted fox..."

Mikasa smiled at him for those words. "See you later." she blew a kiss to him and left, not waiting up for him.

Eren looked at the bar and met gazes with his waitress, who winked and smiled at him. After that, he left.

* * *

All it took was a boring late evening for Eren to pick up the napkin he kept and hover his fingers over the dial button. He sighed and lowered his phone. After a moment of hesitation he dialed and put the phone up against his ear. Every beep of the phone his heart sped up. A few beeps later, Eren almost hung up, but it connected to the other line.

To his surprise it was a girl.

"Hello?" she sounds like she expected this phone call.

Eren can't lie, he's relieved but also a bit disappointed.

"Who is this?" he asked.

"Your kind waitress. Did you expect him to pick up?"

"I don't know..."

"I can give you his real number if you want."

"No, I don't. I was just bored, thought I'd call." Eren tried too much to sound casual.

"Do you like him?"

"I don't even know his name." a hint of sadness lingered in his tone.

"Yes you do. He has a name tag, we all do at the work place. You must've read it."

"Okay, but I don't actually know him."

"He'll kill me for this but... He told me a _lot_ about you."

"Me? Are you sure you have the right person?" Eren's cheeks began heating up.

"Yup, but he lacks social skills so he won't talk to you."

"That's a very convincing lie, but no thanks." Eren was about to hang up but...

"Wait!" she yelled in desperation. "At least make small talk with him when you see him?"

"Maybe. But I doubt we'll cross paths soon."

"Thanks in advance!"

Eren hung up and stared at the ceiling. _I should've said I'm taken...maybe she would've gone away... why didn't I?_

* * *

 Jean put his arm around Eren, who's lying on his chest. They're browsing through channels, not finding anything worth watching. Eren is staring at his boyfriend, thinking. How people describe love... it's similar to how he feels when he sees the man on the bus. But it couldn't be, right? Why doesn't he feel about him the way he feels about the guy on the bus. _No... I'm just making things up._

"Hey... What's up, do I have something on my face?" Jean chuckled.

"No, I'm just adoring my brilliant boyfriend." Eren grinned and gave a little kiss to him.

"Hm." Jean smiled back, leaning into the kiss.

"I love you." Eren was surprised how easy it was to say it. Making it all the more real.

"I know."

* * *

He considered waiting for the next bus just so he wouldn't see the guy again. He found it awkward to even think about the possible conversation topics with him. _Some weather we've been having, what's your favorite color, where are you from, what do you major in, etc._ Like he thought. Awkward and pathetic. 

Eren still forced himself to step foot onto the bus. Yup, he was there. Not paying attention to the surroundings, just daydreaming out the window. Eren sighed and smiled to himself. _He's so dreamy..._

Now, where should he find a seat? There's plenty of space to sit anywhere. It'd be weird to sit down right next to him, right? But sitting too far away would seem rude...

_"At least make small talk with him when you see him?"_

  Eren sighed. He'll try.

He sat right before him. Thinking that speaking like this would be the most comfortable and not too intimate. The problem is, Eren's tongue is in a twist, he can't mutter a single word.

"Okay, it's a bit creepy now... Why are you staring at me?" he asked, giving Eren a weird look.

"I-I'm sorry, I was just daydreaming, I didn't realize I was staring."

He turned away, not saying anything else.

"So, what's your name?" Eren forced out the words like an antibody.

"Did she tell you to do this?"

"who?.. No, no, I-I'm curious."

"I'm gonna be brutally honest- every relationship people try to build with me crumble to the ground so don't waste your time."

"That's not true. What about the girl with red hair, the waitress. She's your friend, right?"

"She's different, we've been friends since we were little."

"Well, I won't go any further if you don't want to. I was just hoping to- never mind..."

 Silence fell between them. He turned to look out the window again and Eren couldn't shut his mouth suddenly.

"Why do you work there?"

He turned to look at him with surprise and confusion.

"To earn money? Why else?"

"Oh, I don't know. Do you like jazz?" Eren's running out of topics, but he's not ready to give up yet.

"Why are you still talking to me?"

"I can stop if you want, you seemed interesting so I wanted to try and get to know you. I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable." 

"Don't. I mean, I'm not used to people wanting to make conversation with me."

"We don't have to talk, we can just... I don't know, like, enjoy the company? Truth be told, I hate small talk."

 "Yeah, me too."

It was easy not speaking, but Eren was still tense the whole ride. He felt like he was supposed to say something, but just couldn't find the right words to say. It's strange how good it feels to not say anything and feel a connection. _Connection?_ What's that about?

_I wish this bus ride would never end._

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

"Look at me. I said look at me!" Jean grabbed Eren's chin and turned his head to face him.

"I am!" Eren slapped away his hand.

"Did you forget who wanted to be in a relationship in the first place?" Jean pointed roughly at Eren's chest. Eren let himself be cornered against the wall by him.

"Of course I didn't!"

"Then don't go running around after every skirt." Jean backed away and looked him down. Without another word, he walked off.

This is their second fight... But he's never been so rough with Eren before. But Eren thin ks he deserves it. After all, he is the one at fault. Jean is right, he was the one who wanted to become a couple. He shouldn't look at other people in that way.

Eren found him chitchatting with people in the crowd. He stole him away for just a moment.

"What do you want?" Jean asked quite rudely, holding his fancy drink.

"I'm sorry," Eren slowly wrapped his arms around Jean's waist. "I won't do it again, I promise. You were right..." Eren closed his eyes, waiting for Jean to hug him back. But he didn't.

"It's good that you understand." Jean pried Eren's arms off of him and drowned in the crowd.

_That's it?! He just walks off?!_

Eren figured it was best to go home before he does anything stupid.

* * *

He stared out the window the whole ride home. He let the tears run down his cheeks. Thank god he was the only passenger on that bus. Finally, he saw his home stop. He can't wait to cry in the comfort of his home.

But first he needs to stop thinking about everything he said wrong or what Jean did to hurt him. It won't help stopping the waterworks.

Unfortunately, as he was getting off the bus, he met eyes with Levi. He grabbed Eren's wrist to stop him from running away.

"Hey, have you been crying?" he sounded genuinely concerned.

"No, why?" Eren turned his face away, letting his hand go limp in Levi's grip.

"Your eyes are red, don't lie to me. Tell me about it." the bus rode off and Eren turned his eyes to it, trying to look more casual while avoiding eye contact.

"It's stupid and it's all my fault. Don't bother wasting your time."

"I'm all ears." silence filled the cold December air. Levi's sigh turned into smoke and disappeared into the night."It's a bit cold, let's go to the cafe."

They found a comfy corner at the back of the cafe where no one would bother them. It started snowing.

"So, tell me." Levi leaned back on the little couch and crossed his legs.

"I just got into a fight..." Eren sighed, fidgeting under the table.

"With who?"

"My spouse." Eren finally lifted his gaze. Levi looked surprised, but his expression quickly changed.

"About what?" his face remained neutral.

"He's right, it was all my fault-"

"He..." Levi whispered under his breath, but somehow Eren still heard it.

"I looked at a girl in a way I shouldn't have. But I couldn't help it, she was... Never mind. I can't blame others for my mistakes."

"Wait, you have a boyfriend, but you looked at girls inappropriately?" Levi furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Which one of you suggested that you two get together?"

"What are you implying? That I might not like him?"

"No, just that you might.. you know... Like girls..?"

Eren looked to the side, then back at him. "I definitely like him, in that way it's just that she was dressed in a provocative way that made me turn my eyes to her."

Levi shook his head and propped himself on the table by his arms. He sighed. "And what do you mean by provocative?"

"Topless, with the nipple-sticker things on, underwear and knee socks."

"Jesus, where were you?!"

"My boyfriend was hosting a party. I guess someone called the strippers..."

"Right, well... Get to the part where it's your fault." Levi stated playing with a napkin he snatched from the bar earlier.

Eren stayed quiet, trying to find the moment in his mind. Levi lifted his eyes up to him expectantly.

"I... don't know..." Eren stared blankly.

"Has it maybe crossed your mind that it wasn't your fault? You only looked at her. Or did you touch her inappropriately?" He gave a half smile before returning his attention to the napkin.

"Not exactly... She wrapped her leg around my waist and winked at me  while licking her lips. though, I did try to pull away." Eren scratched his head. Levi gave a flick to Eren's forehead. "Ouch..." he rubbed his forehead.

"Did you not explain that to him? Who is he anyway?"

"Jean K-"

Eren didn't even finish saying his full name and already Levi was rolling his eyes and sighing.

"Oh, _him_..."

"Why does everyone have such a bad opinion of him?" Eren felt himself get a little angry inside.

"Because anyone with a brain cell can see that he's obsessive and unstable." Levi bit his tongue to not say too much. "No offense to you, though."

"Obsessive or not, I lo...ve him." Eren hesitated saying that. Which scared him.

"You're gonna need to get better at lying." Levi pushed a swan, folded out of the napkin, across the table to Eren."Here."

"It's beautiful." Eren picket it up carefully.

"Basic. Don't exaggerate." Levi looked out the window.

Eren set the little paper creature down on the light wood table and tried to calm down his heartbeat, which was racing both from anger and admiration.

"Could you give me advice on relationships?"

Eren thought he'd imagined it, but Levi actually chuckled. "I'm not the one to give advice on that stuff. But I'd suggest you find someone better."

_"Then, will you go out with me?" No, don't say that! It's creepy!_

"Like who?" Eren tried playing coy.

"Depends who you're into, but really anyone is better than him."

"I'm not giving him up." Eren crossed his arms. He'd convinced himself it was because he loved him. But really he's just stubborn.

"I wonder what you see in him... He's really lucky to have you."

* * *

 Eren's turning from side to side on his bed, he can't sleep again. and those words keep ringing in his ears. _He's really lucky to have you._ Eren sighed into his pillow.

Eren lifted his eyes to the paper swan on the bedside cabinet. On its wing, numbers? Eren sat up in his bed, picking up the swan and turning upside down.

"It's a phone number!" Eren shouted in disbelief, clutching the swan tightly. "Ah! I crumpled it!"

Eren picked up his phone and put in the numbers. "Maybe it's too late to call?" Eren swallowed and dialed.

Strangely, they picked up almost immediately.

"Listening."

"Uhm... Hello?" Eren held the phone by his ear with both of his hands.

"Yeah, do you know who you just called?"

"Yes."

"So, what are you up to?"

"I can't sleep, thought I'd call..."

"Is it because of that fight?" he sounded a bit down.

"No, just random thoughts going through my head." Eren got comfortable in his bed. "Why are you up so late?"

"Homework."

Eren chuckled. "What do you major in?"

"I aspire to be a docteur." Levi giggled on the other side of the line. "Man, i need sleep..."

"How's med school?" Eren smiled to himself.

"Pretty good. I don't remember my name, but I know all the medical names of all the bones in the human body."

"Well, if you need a little reminder: your name is Levi." Eren let out a soft laugh under his covers.

There was a pause of pure silence on the other side.

"You still there?" Eren asked, pulling the covers off of his face.

"...Can you say it again?"

"Say what again?"

"My name."

Eren swallowed hard and took a sharp breath. He kept quiet for a bit, feeling his face burn up. "Levi."

"Sorry, I made this weird... I forgot to ask you, what are you studying?"

"I'm an engineer. Useful profession, I guess." Eren put his hand on his cheek, wishing it would cool down.

"Yeah, it is. Also way easier than medical school."

"My friend goes to the medical school in this area. She also has the same surname as you."Eren stared at his ceiling.

"The one with dark hair that was at the cafe with you?" scribbling of a pen could be heard from his side.

"Aha, do you know her?"

"I do, I'm a year above her."

"Oh, I'm sorry! it just donned to me that I'm not letting you do your homework!" Eren sounded apologetic.

"It's fine, I just finished it. Say, will you really stay with that jerk?"

"Who? Jean? Of course, I am. Unless..." Eren shook his head and bit his tongue.

"Unless? What were you going to say?" Levi teased.

"It's nothing!" Eren hid himself under his covers even if Levi couldn't see him in the first place.

"You can tell me, I won't laugh." Eren could almost hear the smile on his face.

"Unless you come with me to a party." Eren closed his eyes, enduring the mental pain he got from saying that.

"What? Please don't tell me it's gonna be one of Jean's parties. No way. I don't do parties in general, but his is an absolute no."

"Please?"

Levi sighed. "Fine..."

"Thank you!"

"You owe me."

* * *

"I can't believe I'm attending one of his stupid parties." Levi crossed his arms.

"You know that's my boyfriend you're smack-talking, right?" Eren rang the doorbell.

Jean opened the door and pulled Eren into an embrace.

"I thought you'd still be mad at me.." Eren struggled to breathe.

"Of course, not! I missed you so much, I'm so glad you came!"

"I'm gonna throw up from all the bullshit that's coming out of your mouth." Levi proclaimed. Jean just snarled at him.

They stood around the kitchen full of people.

"Want a drink?" Eren offered.

"Might as well, ain't getting better in this shithole." he took the cup with beer and chugged it down.

"Where should we go now?"

"Home, preferably."

"Grab my hand so we don't get separated." Eren extended his hand to him. And he took it.

Although, Eren's heart was about to jump out through his throat, he didn't want to let go. He almost couldn't hear the music and the people chatter, the colors were all saturated, as cliche as it sounds, the world looked brighter.

They were standing still by the wall, there was no more need to hold hands, but neither of them let go.

Jean, of course, noticed it and wasted no time making his way through the crowd. He grabbed Eren by his arm and yanked him away from Levi.

"Hey, that hurts!" Eren yelled, trying to escape his grip.

"We need to talk, Eren." Jean pulled him aside.

"What you need to do is get your claws off him." Levi interrupted.

"Who do you think you are?" Jean growled.

"It's fine, I'll take care of it, just go find something to do." Eren spoke in a soothing tone despite being nervous to the point of his stomach turning and twisting.

Levi looked at them both, hesitated, but trusted Eren and walked off.

"I thought we were clear after last time." Jean said through his gritted teeth.

"We were."

"Then what the fuck was that?" Jean grabbed Eren by his collar. "I just stopped being mad at you for last time and now you're doing it _again_?"

"It was nothing, just so that we wouldn't get lost in the crowd." Eren made up an excuse while clutching Jean's hands.

"I'm so fucking sick of your excuses! All you're really good at is having a tight ass. I'll fully admit that I dated you just for your looks and the sex. But we're still dating so don't you dare touch anyone other than me like that again."

"Then stop treating me like shit!" Eren digged his nails in Jean's hands.

Jean gritted his teeth and hit him straight in the face. "Don't you ever dare to talk back to me." he walked off like nothing had happened.

Eren had his back to the wall, he slowly collapsed on the floor, curling up and feeling the burning in his left cheek. He got up and ran to the bathroom, locking himself in there. He leaned on the sink and spit up blood and a tooth.

Another one of his mistakes lead to this. If only he hadn't held his hand... Now he's made Jean angry again. Eren chocked back the tears, but his lip was still trembling. The knock on the door made him jump, afraid that it might be Jean again.

"Eren, you in there?" Levi's voice echoed through the door. Eren sighed in relief. He never noticed how relaxing his voice is.

"Yeah..."

"What happened, are you alright?"

"I'm fine." he damned his shaky voice, betraying his emotions.

"You don't sound fine, open the door!"

"I said I'm fine!" Eren's voice broke and now he can't stop the tears.

"I know you're not fine, can you, please, let me in?" he spoke softly, comforting and warm...

Eren unlocked the door but hid his face, sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Levi walked towards him slowly, he squatted down to see Eren's face, but he turned away.

"Show me..." he gently turned Eren's face to reveal the bruised cheek. "Christ... He did this to you?" There was a hint of anger in his face.

Eren nodded. Levi sighed and wiped off the tears form Eren's face.

"That son of a bitch will get what's coming to him..." Levi held Eren's face in his hands, looking him in the eyes, adoring the unique color of blue in them. Then, suddenly, his arms were around Eren, embracing him in a protective manner.

The blush creeping up his face didn't help the swelling. But he felt safe in his arms. And he smelled so nice...

"Let's get you some ice for that, okay?" Levi let go and patted him on the back before going out the door.

 Eren followed him soon after. Just as Levi was getting the ice from the freezer Eren tugged on his sleeve.

"Let's go home." He sounded more tired than sad, almost like a dog under anesthesia.

"Let's..." Levi agrees, putting the ice to Eren's face.

* * *

Of course, what he meant by home was his dorm, but Levi insisted that they go to his place as he _didn't want to waste the evening_ and his _place was close by_.

What Eren expected to see was not what he actually saw. Apparently, he lives just a few houses from Jean. And, well... His house is probably more luxurious than Jean's.

"Well, don't just stand there with your mouth open, come in!"

"You live here?"

"Duh, now hurry up- it's cold outside!" Levi closed the door behind them. "Sit down on the couch, I'll make us some tea."

Eren stood for a few moments by the door, absorbing the view of the house. He set the ice on the coffee table and waited impatiently for Levi to join him. Eventually, he did.

"Why do you work in that cafe if you live in _this_ house?" Eren warmed his hands on the hot cup of tea sitting on the table.

"I want to distance myself from it." Levi sighed, placing a plate of sweets near the tea.

"Why?" Eren mutter, trying to grasp the tiniest reason why anyone would want to distance themselves from this.

"You ask a lot of questions, you know..." Levi laughed under his breath. "It's just my uncle... He's involved in some really shady business and that's how he got this house. Black money. And I don't want to follow in his footsteps, and live in constant fear that someone might kill me at any given time."

"He's not here now, is he?"

"Probably not, he rarely comes home."

"It seems a little lonely if you're all here by yourself."

"Maybe just a little, I'm used to it."

"What do you do when you're alone?"

"You mean besides the obvious?"

"Wh-what do you mean..?" Eren almost spilled his tea on his lap.

Levi smiled, amused by his reaction.

"I can't believe you're still so innocent when you've been together with Jean."

"It's unusual to talk about _it_ with other people..." _Especially you._

"All the jokes aside, we have a swimming pool, which I visit a lot. Besides, I have friends that come over. Wanna go take a swim?"

"I don't have swimming briefs..."

"We can go skinny dipping."

"N-no, it would be a little awkward..." Eren set the cup on the table with shaky hands.

"Oh, right... I'm sorry, I'll stop teasing you."

"But I'd still like to see the pool."

"Sure."

The room was dimly lit, and the chlorine tainted the air. An all too familiar experience. Levi walked around the other side of the pool, extending his arms and saying:

"Well, this is it. It's a swimming pool."

"It's nice..." he said absentmindedly.

"Can you swim?"

"Yeah, I used to swim a lot as a kid."

He came back around to stand a few inches from Eren.

"Do you have your phone with you right now?"

"No, I left it in my coat."

"Good."

"Wh-" He pushed him into the swimming pool, stirring the, previously calm, water. "What was that for?!" he looked at the laughing figure dry on land. God... his laugh did things to him... Things he's never felt before.

"I had to-" he pulled the other guy into the pool, soaking them both again.

"Fair enough..." Levi said, taking off his shirt.

"What are you doing?" Eren said half laughing, hiding the obvious embarrassment.

"Might as well go for a swim while I'm soaked, right?"

He moved closer to Eren, putting his hands on his waist. "Take it of, it'll be easier to swim." Eren let himself be undressed, face flushed. "I swear, it's like the only sexual thing you've seen is a bee pollinating a flower." Levi laughed, throwing their shirts on the bench near the pool. There it is again, that feeling...

_I'm only reacting this way because it's you!_

"You coming?" he asked, already floating away in the water.

"I'll just watch you have your fun..." Eren got out of the swimming pool and curled up on the tiles. His teeth began chattering and he began shaking after just a few minutes of being out of the water.

Naturally after sometime, Levi took notice.

"You're freezing!" he said after touching Eren's hand. "Take your clothes off."

"What?" Eren said, disbelieving what he just heard.

"Take them off, you can keep your underwear, just hurry up and hop into the pool. You'll be warmer there."

He was hesitant, looking to the side. As if Levi would know that he felt embarrassed. And he was right, he did know.

"Fine, I'll look away."

He quickly undressed and took a dip in the pool. Levi was right, it was a lot warmer. He submerged himself halfway to his cheeks, trying to hide his burning face.

"Come here..." Levi wrapped his arms around Eren, almost like a blanket. "Better?"

"Yeah..." Eren kept his arms folded to his chest, resting his head on Levi's shoulder. "I never got his kind of affection from anyone before..." he was so relaxed that his tongue acted on its own will.

"Not even Jean?" Levi pulled away, but he didn't go far. He stayed close enough.

"Not even him." Eren felt the tears well up in his eyes again.

Levi softly grabbed Eren's face, stroking his cheek with his thumb. He looked deep into his eyes and for a moment, it was like they could reach each other's minds.

They leaned in closer, their eyes wandering to their lips. Levi licked his and leaned in even closer. Eren's heart was going faster than a race car by then. And it felt like someone was incinerating his face. He swallowed, finally breathing again. But Levi turned his face away, then he pulled back all together. 

"I'm sorry, I got carried away...I thought that... Never mind, I'm just being dumb." He turned his back on Eren and was starting to walk away, but Eren stopped him.

"What were you going to do?" he asked, his voice almost trembling with hope and anticipation. 

"Nothing, forget about it." he insisted.

_"Were you going to kiss me?"_

  That's what Eren wanted to ask so much that his core was shaking. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. Things like that aren't supposed to be talked about. They just happen, wordlessly. Perhaps they have too much to say still... Or maybe words are just all they'll ever be.

 

**Love is a mysterious thing, isn't it?**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	4. Chapter 4

Eren was surprised to find a bouquet of, no less than a hundred, roses at his doorstep. They were so heavy and just as beautiful, he barely lifted them off the ground. Naturally, he was flattered and curious as to who could've sent him these flowers. His curiosity was soon satisfied by the note hidden in the middle of the fiery red petal vortex.

 

 

 

 

> " Hey, sorry for what happened last time...
> 
> I hope you're not mad still, I wasn't myself that night. I want to see you again. I miss you. <3
> 
> \- Jean"
> 
>  

_What an idiot..._ Eren sighed, holding the note to his heart. He didn't notice when he started smiling, but the bright light seeping through the window and the hundreds of roses in his room made his chest glow with happiness. He felt silly thinking there's a chance he might not love him. What's there not to love?

It didn't take Eren long to go back running to Jean. The very next day they met up.

Eren literally ran into Jean's arms when he saw him. Jean spun around once, holding Eren, bot of them chuckling.

"I found the roses you sent..." Eren looked down sheepishly, digging his foot into the frozen-over trail.

"Did you like them?" he smiled.

"I loved them." Eren buried his face in Jean's shoulder.

"Only the best for the best." Jean whispered into his ear. "Have I told you how wonderful you are?"

"I wouldn't mind hearing it again." He said.

"You look wonderful today."

"So do you."

Jean leaned in for a kiss. It was the sweetest kiss Eren's ever had with him. All his worries disappeared with the exhale of smoke in the sky.

* * *

Mikasa burst into Eren's room, like a hurricane she stormed around yelling incoherent sentences. Eren had to physically grip her to make her stop trashing his dorm room.

"Calm down, Mikasa. What happened?" He looked at her with worry.

"What happened?! You wanna know what happened? Why don't you tell me that?!" She was still yelling just as fiercely as before, but this time he could actually understand her.

"What are you talking about?" Eren furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. His face relaxed and his mouth opened slightly. "Oh... It's about Jean. isn't it?"

She had a face of disgust and confusion. "Yes. Yes, it's about that abusive fucking cunt! I told you not to get involved with him!" she lightly touched Eren's bruised cheek.

"It was an accident." Eren averted his eyes, looking anywhere else but her.

"An _accident_?!" she scoffed. "You have to be fucking kidding me. How can you still be on his side? He fucking punched you!"

Eren was about to say something but Mikasa's hand stopped him. "It doesn't matter what you say, that cunt is gonna get what's coming to him." She started stomping towards the door. Eren grabbed her by the arm, but she shook it off and just gave him an angry glare before leaving.

"...but he apologized." Eren said to his messy room.

_How did she know it was him, anyway?_

_don't tell me... did Levi..?_

Eren scrambled to find his phone among all the scattered clothes. He dialed Levi's number with shaky hands. He breathed deeply and rhythmically trying to stay calm. It took a while but he picked up.

"Hey, what's-"

"Did you fucking tell her about what Jean did at the party?" Eren spit out, not bothering to let him finish first.

"What do you mean? Tell who?" He sounded irritated.

"Mikasa! You know, the girl with your surname!" Eren was frantic, angry. Because now Jean can get in trouble. Mikasa will make sure of it. Who knows what she'll do - break his legs, give him a concussion, put him in a coma... Who knows!

"Calm down, okay?!" it echoed as a firm statement, which made Eren jump a little. But he was all the same angry. "I didn't tell her anything. I don't talk to her at all."

"Then how does she know about what happened? She burst in through the door, trashed my room and I'm pretty sure she's going to put my boyfriend in a coma!" Eren was nearing a panic attack at that point.

Levi picked up on Eren's uneven and frantic breaths.

"Okay, first of all you need to clam down. Deep, even breaths."

"I don't fucking have time to "calm down", I need to do something or this is going to turn into an absolute shitshow!"

"Look, you might not want to hear this, but that asshole deserves whatever is coming to him. And I'm pretty sure Mikasa wouldn't risk going to jail because of him. So she probably isn't going to do anything drastic."

After a moment of silence while Eren was trying to stop his blood from boiling, Levi sighed.

"Listen, I'm working a shift right now. You can come by and talk."

Eren didn't want to see anyone at the moment, not even him. But he figured he shouldn't push away the help he's being offered. But, of course he couldn't force himself to reply, he was too angry. So he just hung up.

He didn't know what to do with all the anger within him. He punched the wall, letting all the energy out onto the innocent, unsuspecting wall. He couldn't move his hand for a few moments because of the pain spreading like poison from his knuckles to his elbow. his knuckles were bloody and bruised. He cursed quietly and threw on his jacket as he left his room.

The cold air helped him clear his head and calm down for real this time. The road was slippery so he walked carefully. It wasn't long before he reached the cafe. The walk, however short it was, made him a bit more tolerable and he felt bad for just hanging up on Levi like that. When he spotted his dark haired friend he forced a guilty smile. Levi didn't even try to hide his dissatisfaction with Eren. Eren swallowed hard and stepped up to the bar.

"I'm sorry..." Eren muttered out.

Levi stared him down without a word. Eren could tell he was angry with him. Maybe it was the puppy-ish look Eren gave off, or maybe just a kind heart at play, but Levi couldn't stay mad for long.

"Apology accepted." he said coldly.

"Do you get off work soon?" Eren asked, not lifting his eyes off his fidgeting hands.

"In about five minutes."

Eren nodded, still looking down. "I'll wait."

Levi sighed.

After those five minutes, that felt like an eternity to Eren, Levi threw his apron down and payed his goodbye to his red haired friend. They headed out and the cold made Levi shiver.

They walked down the main path for a while without saying a word. It was insanely icy, so they made slow, careful steps.

"I just-" Eren slipped despite his carefulness, luckily Levi caught him. Unluckily, he noticed the injured knuckles. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked up at Eren, who had now regained his balance.

"Do you mind explaining this?" he said a bit more harshly than he intended.

"I took out my anger on the wall..." He looked away, filled with shame. Coping with anger wasn't his strong suit.

"Well, they're pretty swollen, can you move your fingers?" Levi held both of Eren's hands in his. The red, that Eren hated so much, crept up his cheeks again.

Eren twitched his hand, a sharp stinging pain shot up his arm again and he winced. Levi looked worried.

"It does hurt, doesn't it?"

"Just a tiny bit."

"They might be broken, you know. Although, I doubt you had that much force or anger inside of you to break a bone. It's probably just a fracture." He bent down to pick up some snow and added it onto Eren's knuckles. "This should help with the swelling."

"It stings more now." Eren complained. "I could get offended, you know."

Levi gave a confused look.

"That you think I'm not strong enough to break a bone by punching the wall..." Eren explained.

The tiniest of smiles appeared on Levi's face. Eren relaxed a little, knowing things weren't tense between them anymore.

"We should get you to a hospital..." Levi dazed off, a small chuckle trying to escape, but being held back at the back of the throat.

"Yeah..." Eren agreed, smiling.

* * *

When they got to the hospital Levi waited in the hall while Eren got his left hand put in plaster. Eren came out of the doctor's office smiling sheepishly and showing of his plaster.

"At least it wasn't your right hand." Levi snickered while getting up. Eren's cheeks flushed with blood again. That seemed to amuse Levi very much. "You know, because you wouldn't be able to-"

"I get it!" he grew even redder. The people around them stared. "Let's get out of here..." Eren pried his eyes from the stranger's stares.

They decided to go back to Levi's place. Levi insisted he wouldn't leave Eren because he might do something dumb again. Though, Eren looked restless. And he was.

"Hey, let me sign it." Levi proclaimed.

"Huh?"

"Your left hand." Levi nodded towards it.

"Oh, here." Eren put his hand on the coffee table.

Levi scribbled a lot before pulling away. _Is his signature that long?_

"There ya go." He seemed proud

 

_"Yodelay-ee-hoo Yodelay-ee-hoo_

_Yodelay-ee, yodelay-ee, yodelay-ee_

_I'll be your cowgirl, if you'll be my cowboy_

_You'll be my Dale, I'll be your Roy"_

 

"Why?" Eren stared at it, horrified and confused, pulling away from his hand. But he couldn't. Because it's his own hand.

"What? It's a good song!" Levi snickered.

Eren rolled his eyes. "It's a fucking country song!"

"So?"

Eren's frustration turned into slight amusement. "I guess I could wear this ironically."

Levi laughed. his light mood soon vanished, however. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Eren sighed. "He did what he did to me, but he apologized for it."

Levi kept quiet. Eren hurried to fill the silence. "He even gave me a hundred red roses!" Eren proclaimed, thinking that wold justify something.

"Sometimes not even a hundred red roses can undo what has been done..." Levi simply replied.

"Anyway, inside the roses was an apology card. We met up and he seemed truly sorry. He hugged me and kissed me. He loves me, too. We all have flaws..." Eren trailed off. Did he really believe Jean loved him? He wanted to.

"So after he punched you, you ran back to him again?" Levi crossed his arms on his chest.

"Well, he apologized."

"That doesn't mean you have to run back to him arms wide open. Sometimes you can forgive without coming back to the person who hurt you." he paused. "Making up doesn't necessarily mean you have to get back together. It just means closure."

Eren knew Levi was right. But something at the back of his mind still wanted to fight for what he believed in.

* * *

 

 Whether it was Eren's stubbornness or something else that led him to agreeing to Jean's request to go out for dinner. It was a fairly fancy place. Even the scent of the place felt fancy. He felt a little embarrassed by his plaster. It didn't really go well with the fancy suit.

They ordered their food, well, Jean did because Eren couldn't pronounce the names, and started chitchatting. After shallow talk they nibbled at their food. It was divine, Eren thought. After finishing a glass of red wine Jean gave him a seductive look. Jean smirked. Eren knew what it meant. They both got up and went to the bathroom.

Jean locked the door behind them. Eren couldn't help but smile. And so began the making out session. There wasn't a place where Jean's hands haven't been on Eren's body. Jean pressed the other male harder to the wall. He was starting to grind on him. Their tongues tied tight, no chance of letting go. Jean pinned Eren's hands above his head, despite one of his arm being in a plaster. Eren flinched a little, but kept at it. Then Jean pulled out his member and started pleasuring himself. Eren shivered with anticipation. But his companion finished without touching him. He came all over the sink and left. Eren had to clean up the mess.

He came back to the table a little confused, but he didn't bring it up. He was afraid. What if he lashes out again? Eren wouldn't want to cause more trouble.

When they were home, though. Eren had enough bravery, or perhaps curiosity, to ask.

"Did you think I was gonna give you pleasure after you keep running after other people?" Jean answered as-a matter-of-fact.

Eren was taken aback by his remark. He was speechless.

"Consider this an equivalent of being grounded." 

Eren kept silent. He accepted being submissive by now. Just because the consequences of trying to stand up for himself might be vile.

* * *

Mikasa hadn't done anything yet to harm Jean. Maybe she was cooking up a long term plan to get the ultimate revenge. Either way it made Eren anxious and irritated.

Though she wouldn't stop nagging him to leave Jean. It was that simple to her. But not to him. He found familiarity and comfort with him. Which is what everyone seeks. Why should he let go of it when he has it right here?

University has been tough, too. The avalanche of quizzes made his mind spin with stress. He didn't have time for anything. He would go see Jean every once in a while. But that's it. Plus he had to prepare for Christmas, which was approaching very fast. Too fast...

It bothered him that Levi knows everything about Eren's relationships, but Eren doesn't know anything about Levi's. But he's too afraid to ask. _What if it'll come off as creepy or nosy?_ It's probably his own insecurities at play here. But it doesn't change the fact that Eren can't bring up the topic without anxiety washing over him.

 

* * *

 

Eren only got a moment of ease in the quiet bedroom. His phone went off almost immediately after he put his head to rest on the bed. He felt a tad bit annoyed. He thought about throwing his phone at the wall so that it would lose its fucking life and shut the fuck up for once. But he picked up anyway...

"Listening..." Eren made no attempt to hide his annoyance.

"Hey, what's gotten into _you_ today?" Great, it's Levi.

"Hey... Sorry, I expected you to be someone else..." Eren rubbed his eye and rolled on his side.

"Who were you expecting? "

"I don't know...not you." Eren sighed. He hated the ticklish feeling in his stomach, the way his heart beats fast whenever he hears Levi's voice, how his face blushes non stop while talking to him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Levi doing seem bothered at all.

"It's just stress... what are you doing right now?"

"I'm finishing up my shift. Not a lot of customers so I wanted to chat a little."

Here comes the heat in the face he hates so much.

"Why'd you call _me_?" 

"Because I wanted to talk, didn't you hear me?"

"Well, yeah but you must have a crush who you'd rather call... Who are you into anyway? I never got to ask." He felt unusually bold for some reason. Maybe because he was tired of trying to be so careful all the time.

"By your logic shouldn't you only be talking to Jean?" Nice dodge... "By the way how are things between you and him?"

"We're good. He took me out to dinner last night." That's when he's supposed to be with cheeks painted pink... when talking about his boyfriend.

"Wait, you actually got back together after that?" 

"We never broke up."

"How could you fall for that? He fucking punched you!"

"It was a mistake, everyone makes them! His apology shows that he cares about me and I care about him! What do you know about relationships anyway?!"

"I know that a person who cares for someone wouldn't fucking beat them! But if you  want to be that stupid and blind then go ahead! Good luck with that fucking psychopath!"

He hung up. Just hung up... 

Now Eren and one more regret piled on all the others.

 


	5. Chapter 5

The weather has been rough. It's the third snow-day in a row, so all the classes are canceled. Not to mention it's around -15 degrees Celsius. He's basically trapped in his dorm room. While he was drowning in self-pity, he heard a loud cheer followed by a crash outside his door. Confused, he opened the door to see two people sprawled out on the ground before him.

One was a girl with brown hair tied in a ponytail, on top of her was a seemingly short, bald...ish looking dude. Both around Eren's age. The girl was groaning in pain.

"A...are you okay?" Eren spoke up, finally.

"Yeah, just a little scratch here and there." The girl rubbed her head. She pushed off the male off of her and stood up. She extended her hand towards Eren. "I'm Sasha. And that's Connie..." she glanced at her friend, who was still on the floor.

"Eren. Nice to meet you." Eren held onto her hand a bit longer than was polite, but then he exclaimed: "Weren't you the ones who used Morse code to cheat on a test?"

"Yes!" She proclaimed a bit too proudly.

"How'd you know it was us? Or that we were cheating?" Connie stood up, holding his head.

"Because I read your Morse code and wrote down the answers." Eren confessed. "I got a high grade because of you!" he sounded somewhat thankful.

Both of them smiled proudly and stood confidently.

"So what were you guys doing anyway?" Eren looked at the wrecked shopping cart on the ground.

"We stole-"

"Borrowed."

"Borrowed a shopping cart and were having a bit of fun with it." Connie put his hands on his hips.

Eren nodded. "Why?"

"Have you ever tried going down the stairs in it? It's super duper fun!" Sasha exclaimed excitedly.

"Although, she did crack her head open once doing that..." Connie added.

"Yeah, it's cool. Do you wanna see it?" she lifted her fringe and revealed a small scar.

Eren was completely intrigued by their carelessness and their child spirit. He smiled to himself. He feels compelled to hang out with them.

"Oh, what the hell... I wanna try it." Eren grinned. And the pair punched the air in victory as they yelled "Yeah!"

He instantly regretted his choice when they let go of the cart's handle. He swears, his life flashed before his eyes at that moment. But then he made it safely down. Without injury. He jumped out of the cart and yelled in joy. They were right, it is fun.

"I wanna go again!" Eren shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

After a few trips up and down the corridors, the trio settled in the kitchen to regain their energy. They made noodles. The cheapest cup noodles in store. But they tasted top class. Even though Eren has only hung out with them for a day, he feels like he's known them for far longer than that.

Connie left because he "needed to visit the gnomes", which apparently means he needs to use the bathroom.

So Sasha was the only one left with Eren in the kitchen. Eren let curiosity her the better of him.

"So are you two dating?"

"No. We're best buds!" Sasha smiled. Her smile was contagious. "What about you? Have anyone special?" she slurped her food.

"Yeah." he answered without hesitation.

"Oh? Who?" her eyes lit up with curiosity.

Eren instinctively would've said "Jean", but he hesitated.

"Uhm... I'm not sure." instead he answered.

"What do you mean?" she furrowed her eyebrows.

He somehow trusted her so much as to want to spill every single thing that was on his mind.

"I mean, I have a boyfriend...but..."

"But..?" she drew out the 'u', waiting for him to finish.

"But there's this other friend...and..." Eren sighed. "I think I might like him. More than a friend." finally admitting it made his lungs fill with hornets that felt like they were stinging him.

She had the softest look on her face, the softest smile. "Do you like your boyfriend the same way?"

Eren had a spark of doubt right from the beginning, but now it turned into a house fire of doubt. But he felt bad admitting he might not like his boyfriend.

"You know, if you did and you don't anymore that's okay. It happens. But you shouldn't hold onto the old relationship for the sake of sentiment or guilt. It's best to end things soon, to avoid more problems." she was surprisingly wise. "Of course, I don't know your situation so... take it with a pinch of salt, I guess?" She shrugged and set down her empty cup.

Eren smiled and nodded. The gesture was a thank you of sorts.

Just as Connie entered Eren got a call. It was Levi. _Speak of the devil ..._ he thought. A smile crept up his cheeks as he picked up.

"Hey." Eren said.

"Hey," Levi laughed. "someone's in a good mood." Guess he could hear the smile over the phone.

"Yeah, I've just been messing around with a couple of friends." Eren snickered.

"Oh, sorry. I can call later."

"No, no, it's fine." Eren insisted. "So what's up?"

"I was gonna ask you over tonight, but if you have other plans-"

Eren's mind blocked out any other words coming from the telephone. His heart and mind were racing. What did he mean by "ask over tonight."? Like a slumber party? No way, they're too old for that!

"Eren?"

"What, sorry... i didn't quite catch what you said." Eren snapped back to reality.

"Will you stay over tonight at my place?"

"Y-yeah, sure." Eren stumbled on his words.

"Great, will you come by the cafe when I get off work?"

"Sure, I'll be there."

* * *

Eren stood by the entrance, waiting. Suddenly a hand reached out and he found that it was Levi.

"You're gonna have to lead the way, because I can't see anything. Jut letting you know." Eren said, though his voice was muffled by his furry jacket hood, which also covered most of his face, thus, he can't see where he's going.

"Alright, hold tight, cowboy." Levi chuckled.

Eren held onto his arm until they got onto the bus. Eren finally took off his hood. "I can see!" he proclaimed, making Levi laugh a little.

"Come on, let's find a seat." Levi urged him.

"So what are we doing tonight?" Eren asked eagerly.

"Hunting down delinquents."

"Sorry? why exactly?"

"They've been bothering me for the past month. They're annoying. Don't worry, just a little threat should make them back off."

_That's right... His uncle is in some sort of gang or mafia. But I didn't know Levi was involved, too._

* * *

They stopped off at Levi's house. Levi wanted to change his clothes. Eren wanted to wait for him in the lobby. But Levi said he'd feel awkward leaving his guest alone. So he brought Eren up to his room. Which was unbelievably clean and tidy. And, of course, big and fancy. Though the room was fairly modern, there stood a turntable on the counter next to the window. Levi noticed Eren's staring at the antique.

"It works. You want to pick a record?" he rummaged through his drawers.

"You do it." Eren responded.

Levi searched through the box of neatly placed records and pulled out one with an "aha!".

 _It's now or never,_  
_Come hold me tight_  
_Kiss me my darling,_

 

"Sit. I'll be just a sec." Levi pointed to the bed.

  
_Be mine tonight_  
_Tomorrow will be too late,_  
_It's now or never_  
_My love won't wait._

 

Eren felt a strange romantic atmosphere. Though, it's likely his wishful thinking. Eren took out his phone and sent a text he probably should've sent a long time ago. He felt relieved, which in return made him feel more guilty. He broke up with Jean. This time for real.

 

 _When I first saw you_  
_With your smile so tender_  
_My heart was captured,_  
_My soul surrendered_

 

Levi came out of the bathroom wearing all black: black leather jacket with an emblem with wings on it, black shirt, finger-less glove (also from leather), bomb-ass looking pants and night-sky-dark shoes.

"Well? What do you think?" Levi asked, presenting himself.

 

 _I'd spend a lifetime_  
_Waiting for the right time_  
_Now that your near_  
_The time is here at last._

 

Eren's jaw dropped, of course he did his best to not portray it on his face. As uncomfortable as it was admitting it - he looked hot.

"Great." Eren nodded and smiled, trying to cover his hard-on with his hands.

 

 _It's now or never,_  
_Come hold me tight_  
_Kiss me my darling,_  
_Be mine tonight_  
_Tomorrow will be too late,_  
_It's now or never_  
_My love won't wait._

 

Levi couldn't resist teasing him. "What, are you trying to hide your boner?" He laughed.

"Yes. As a matter of fact, I am." Eren stated blatantly.

This time Levi was flustered, though he hid it well. Eren noted this as a victory. Now maybe he'll stop teasing him every chance he gets.

Levi cleared his throat.

 _Your lips excite me,_  
_Let your arms invite me_  
_For who knows when_  
_We'll meet again this way_

 

"What's with the sudden boost of confidence?" Levi tried to joke it off.

Eren shrugged, keeping the smile from before. Maybe because he feels like he's somewhat free form Jean?

"Well, let's go get 'em."

 

 _It's now or never_  
_My love won't wait..._

 

\--------

They came across a shady alley. That's where they stopped. To Eren's relief, no one was there.

"God, I'm freezing my balls off." Levi shuddered.

"And all that just to give an impression." Eren sighed.

"You gotta do what you gotta do..." Levi's teeth were chattering.

"Is that them?" Eren asked, anxious.

"Yeah." Levi stood up straight. "Get back a little, I don't want them to try anything slick." Eren did as asked.

"Levi! Buddy! It's good to see you!" A big blond man cheerfully greeted him.

There were five guys and all of them in leather jackets. All of them dressed similar to Levi, though none of them seem even a little bit bothered by the cold. Eren turned his eyes to Levi, he wasn't bothered by it either. At least, he didn't show if he was.

"Cut the shit, Erwin." _wow, he really didn't like beating around the bush, huh?_

"That's rude. At least I said hello." the tall blond proclaimed. "Came here for another deal for a stash?" he seem to have struck a nerve. Levi was so angry you could almost hear him growling."Maybe not, then..."

"I came here to warn you." Levi crossed his arms. "Stop bothering me."

"Or what?" a guy from the back beckoned.

Levi lifted his eyebrows. "Do you want to find out?"

The guy scoffed, but retreated.

"Who's your friend?" the blond, Erwin was it, nodded towards Eren.

Eren tensed up, hiding his face with the hood.

"No one, I'm the one talking to you." Levi said with a linger of threat.

"Oh, but your friend here looks a lot more interesting." Erwin walked towards him. Though, Levi stopped him by placing a hand on the other male's chest. "Relax, I just want to talk to him." he chuckled.

Levi reluctantly let him through. As the man got closer Eren noticed he had the same wing emblem on his jacket as Levi. In surprise, he lifted his eyes and met Erwin's. His expression was stone cold, unlike Eren's.

"So what's your deal?" Erwin asked. Plain and simple.

"I just thought I'd tag along." Eren answered. He was relieved his voice didn't shake.

Erwin began laughing. Cackling. Eren stood there, confused. As it seemed, he wasn't alone. The other's were looking at him like he was insane. Though hid it enough not to be insulting. When he finished laughing he turned to Levi.

"Is this your new boy toy?" he smiled slyly.

_New boy toy?_

"I might just steal him away from you. This one is cute, you know."

Eren furrowed his eyebrows. He was confused by all of this, but also angered. But not as much as Levi. Levi was furious. He had a different fury, a cold one. One that you know could kill you with a glare.

Before Eren couldn't think of anything to say the tall blond bent over and retched. It took a moment for him to realize that Levi punched him in the stomach.

Eren jumped back a little. He didn't expect this. Nor was he ready for it. The next thing he knew everyone was at each other's throats. Soon some junkie jumped him, too. Eren got punched down, he was lying on the ground. The guy grabbed him by the collar and landed another punch. Eren kicked the dude in the balls. He fell over in pain and lied in a fetal position.

"Nice one!" Levi praised after punching another one of the guys.

Eren got distracted by the praise and took another hit. This time the guy had a knife. Eren did his best to avoid the swings. though one hit him, barely, but still. This was a perfect chance for Eren to take out his anger from all the shit that has been happening with Jean. Since They're no longer together his spirit is free to do whatever he wishes. And at this point it's wish is beating this guy to a pulp. He knocked one of the guys out with his plaster.

"Huh. This thing is actually useful." Eren took a breather.

Another guy with a blade struck Levi, but the latter blocked the attack with his brass knuckles. Eren jumped in to help. The blade struck his plaster and cracked it. Erwin, who seemed to be their leader, Called them off. And like loyal dogs the guys retreated.

"Fine, we'll leave you alone." tall blond said. "Hey, kid." he referred to Eren as he turned his way. "I like your spirit." he flashed a smile.

Eren let just the corners of his lips curl up.

"If you need another stash for your birthday just ring me up." He winked at Levi.

And they left. Eren sighed in relief.

"Hey, is your hand gonna be okay?" Levi pointed to the split plaster.

"I was supposed to go take it off tomorrow anyway. Guess they did me a favor..." Eren laughed softly, it was more of just him blowing out air. "But seriously, what the fuck?! They had fucking knives!" Eren started freaking out.

"And I had brass knuckles." Levi showed off his beautiful custom knucks. "I didn't think they'd fight you too... I wouldn't have brought you along."

"Why _did_ you bring me along?" Eren asked.

"Moral support..."

"Really? Because it seemed like you were doing swell out there by yourself." Eren snickered.

"I wouldn't have done so well if you haven't been there." Levi looked down at the ground.

"What's the difference? I was just a spectator. Also...I might've started the fight." Eren joined Levi by dropping his eyes to the pavement.

"No way. I started it!" Levi lifted his gaze up. "I don't think I could've won the fight without you."

"I know I told you I could get offended by you calling me weak, but there's no need to lie."

"I'm serious. I had you there. Something to fight for, to protect." Levi's cheeks were rose colored. But it might've just been the cold. So Eren shook it off.

"Dude, this sounds too much like a confession." Eren laughed and scratched the back of his head. Levi chuckled, too.

"Can we go now? I'm still freezing."

"Of course." Eren took off his jacket and gave it to Levi. "Here, put it on."

"You'll freeze, dumbass." Levi protested.

"You froze on the way here, now I'll freeze on the way back. Even split." Eren smiled. Levi's cheeks were still rose. Maybe it really was just the cold.

\-----------

They were almost back at Levi's when they noticed a figure sitting on the front porch. The pair stopped. Levi took of Eren's jacket and gave it back.

"I thought they'd leave you alone." Eren said worryingly.

"I don't think it's one of them."

They both came closer and the light finally revealed the face of the strange figure.

"Jean?" Eren asked in surprise.

"I knew you would be with him. Did you enjoy your little stroll date? How were the stars?" his tone was harsh and aggressive.

"Listen, asshole, I already had to fight a gang of six tonight. I don't want to fight you too." Levi glared at him with his icy fury.

"You act all tough. But it's just that." Jean leaned in to whisper into Levi's ear. "An act."

Levi held back from punching his horse-looking face. The only reason being that he didn't want to upset Eren.

"See? You're all bark."

Levi clenched his fist.

"Why are you here, Jean?" Eren asked softly.

Jean seemed to be shocked by Eren's question, or rather his tone.

"To confirm that you are a liar and a cheater. You're a fucking disgrace." Jean exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

"Watch it, rich boy." Levi growled.

"Don't forget you're rich too. You might want to work on your insults. You know, especially because all you do is bark."

"Jean, leave." Eren sounded more harsh now.

Jean scoffed. "Why? So you could fuck him against every piece of furniture in his house?"

"It's none of your business anymore. We're through. I thought you'd understand it from the text I sent you."

Levi turned to Eren, wide eyed with a spice of pride. Jean seemed to have the same expression, minus the pride. He scoffed and walked down the path, but not without shoving Eren out of the way.

Eren sighed. _I guess it wasn't as easy as sending a text to get rid of him..._

"You broke up with Jean? When?" Levi asked when they were already inside.

"A few hours ago, maybe." Eren tried to sound nonchalant.

"May I as why?" Levi took out a blanket and started the fireplace.

Eren shrugged. "I don't like him anymore in that way..." that is if he ever did.

 "I'll be back soon, need to change." Levi said while heading up the stairs.

"Okay." Eren sat on the sofa in front of the fireplace and wrapped himself in a blanket. He began to drift away. He was out for a few minutes before being awakened by Levi's cold hands.

"Come on, cowboy, we need to clean your wounds. You didn't come back from the battle untouched." Levi prepared the med kit.

"You're hurt, too." Eren mumbled half asleep.

"Don't worry about me. Here, let me fix you up." Levi cleaned the cuts on Eren's face meanwhile Eren winced at the burning of the alcohol. Eren uncovered his shoulder, revealing the cut he got from the knife. Levi looked visibly remorseful. "I'm sorry you had to suffer because of me. I shouldn't have brought you along." Levi said while gently swabbing the cut.

"It's fine." Eren tried to keep steady. _Anything for you._

"I'll make it up to you."

"When i took you to the party you really didn't want to go to... You said I owed you. Maybe this can repay my debt?" Eren smiled.

"That's ridiculous, Eren, forget about that. I want to make it up to you somehow." Levi's eyes met Eren's

Eren's body filled with butterflies then. And his lungs became hornets' nests, his cheeks- erupting volcanoes. He knew exactly what he wanted. But not like this. They kept staring for a few more moments reminding Eren of the time in the swimming pool. Eren was the one to break eye contact.

"Let me clean you up now." Eren said taking the rubbing alcohol and a cotton swab.

"Alright..." his shoulders drooped a little. Levi was patient while Eren cleaned his cuts.

When he was done, they wrapped themselves in a blanket, which was enormous, it could probably fit one more person. But they sat close.

"Levi?" Eren dared to speak up.

"Hm?"

"What did they mean by a stash for your birthday?" Eren lead his eyes to his male friend beside him. It was obvious Levi didn't want to talk about it.

"I used to be in their gang." Levi mocked the word gang. "And I used to take drugs. Because that's what people in gangs do...Well, in that one anyway."

"What kind of drugs? Are you still taking them?" Eren sounded concerned. And he was.

"Cocaine mainly. I haven't taken any since I left their group. Which is like, I don't know four- five months. Before I met you." Levi finally looked up at Eren. But he soon turned to the fireplace."They're just making fun of me. I used to say I'm clean and then go ahead and snort a few lines during my birthday or any other holiday, or every Friday... I was just looking for excuses to snort drugs instead of snorting it as an excuse." Levi was ashamed, he tried to hide his face, but he didn't know how.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know it was that recent." Eren examined Levi's expression well. 

"It's fine. I'm fine."

"By the way, when is your birthday?"

"December 25th." Levi turned and smiled at Eren.

"That's really soon! Are you going to do anything?"

"I don't know. Throw a party, kick everyone out after a couple of hours then go to sleep."

"Can I stay longer?" Eren snickered.

"Of course." Levi rolled his eyes, but laughed.

Eren scooted closer, pulling the blanket tighter. He could feel Levi's heat from his body. It was so comfortable and safe. He began falling asleep again. He tried to keep his head from falling. Then something touched his hand making him sober up a little.

"Hey, do you wanna go to bed?" Levi asked.

Eren only now noticed that Levi's hand was on his. "I-I'm fine."

The phrase "new boy toy" kept spinning around in his head. He wanted to ask so bad what that was about, but he already asked about the cocaine and it turned out to be a sensitive topic. He didn't want to risk it. But the thought wouldn't leave him alone.

Eren turned to look at Levi only to find him staring back. His hand slowly moved to cup Eren's face.

"So why did you _really_ break up with Jean?" he stared at Eren with soft eyes.

Eren felt flustered. "Because I didn't like him anymore."

"Is that the only reason?"

"What are you getting at?" Eren furrowed his eyebrows.

"Admit it. It's because you like _me_. Lust for _me_. All you can thing about is _me_. _Me me me_." Levi pressed his lips against Eren's.

Eren felt something was off, but he just couldn't resist. He let himself melt into his partner. But suddenly all he saw was a dim light through his eyelids. He felt his body lay on something soft. He fully opened his eyes now.

"Levi?"

"Oh, you're awake. I tried to carry you to bed, I guess I wasn't very discreet."

"So was that just a dream?" Eren mumbled to himself.

"What was?" Levi asked, sitting on the bed beside him. "Did you have a nightmare?"

Eren laughed. "Maybe..."

"Well, you can rest now. I'll see you in the morning." Levi turned the light off before leaving. He left the door just a tiny bit open.

Eren dropped his hand on his forehead and sighed. "Man, that was a weird fucking dream..."

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***This chapter contains rape, so if anyone is sensitive to it, be careful.*** I've separated it so you can skip it if you're uncomfortable!  
> \--------  
> Merry Christmas everyone!!! (And Levi's birthday) 
> 
> It's an angsty chapter, but don't worry- the angst won't go away any time soon ;)

_~Levi~_

 

The night after Eren left he received unexpected visitors. His uncle came back home for the first time in a month. But that wasn't it. With little warning from his uncle, a couple of individuals he knew all too well walked through the door.

"It's good to see you again." A strawberry blonde girl with a fur coat smiled at him. Her father stood slightly behind her

"Petra?" Levi asked in surprise.

"Yeah, it's me!" she pulled him in for a hug.

"What are you doing here?" he pulled away, feeling a bit awkward hugging her in front of her father.

"Daddy, you tell him." she looked up at the intimidating figure with the same wide smile.

"We just moved here. Our house is a five minute walk form yours now." the man sounded just as intimidating as he looked.

"That's great. I'm sure Levi is happy to be reunited with his childhood friend." Levi's uncle replied.

"Of course. With that I'd like to talk about why we came over."

\--

"I'm sorry, are you serious?" Levi stood up from his seat.

"Of course he is, Levi, dear!" Petra jumped up form her seat as well.

"You're okay with this?" Levi directed this at Petra.

"Absolutely."

"And I suppose you are too?" her father looked up at Levi who was standing in a somewhat protesting pose.

"Yeah..." Levi let his eyes down and relaxed his posture.

"Good. I hope you get the engagement rings ready."

"He will." his uncle talked for him.

"Thank you."

"No, thank _you,_ Mr.Ral." his uncle smiled and shook the other man's hand.

"Daddy, can I stay over?" Petra wrapped her hands around her father's arm.

"Sure. Mr.Ackerman and I have places to be, so if You'll excuse us."

Levi sat back down, contemplating his decisions. Petra sat next to him.

"Hey, husband-to-be... What's on your mind?" she put her head on his shoulder.

"Nothing. I'm glad to see you again." he forced a smile on his face. She squealed and buried her face in his neck.

As if Levi didn't feel uneasy enough somebody was at the door. He wearily opened it and saw Erwin and his crew standing before him.

"Yo, I heard someone moved in next doors." Erwin gave a sly grin and came in, his guys followed.

"Erwin!" Petra jumped up from the couch and ran to wrap her arms around his neck. "It's been too long."

"Indeed, it has." he replied.

"We have such good news to tell you!" Petra exclaimed, dragging Levi by his hand.

"Oh? Do tell."

"Will you tell him, or should I?" Petra turned to Levi then turned to Erwin again. "We're engaged!"

The look on Erwin's face made Levi feel even more uneasy. "Then we can celebrate it with this." he pulled out a bag of white powder from his jacket.

"Cocaine?" Levi said in disgust.

"No, powdered sugar. _Yes, cocaine_." Erwin set the bag on the coffee table."Let the fun begin."

* * *

 The morning in school he regretted even toughing the white powder. How could he fall back into that trap. He promised himself he would solve problems, not drown them in coke.  His train of thought was interrupted by someone pulling him aside in the corridor of the school.

"Mikasa?" he said a little confused.

"Yeah, good morning." she looked around. "Listen, could you help me with something?"

"Like what?"

"It may or may not involve violence."

"I'm listening."

"I wanna teach that scum Jean a lesson. Would you be willing to help?"

"I'm happy to ruin his life in any way, but could you be more specific?"

"I don't know if you this but that motherfucker punched Eren. And I want to make him pay double _at least._ "

"Why do you need my help?"

"Because..." she trailed off, not wanting to finish. But Levi was stone still, waiting. "Because I know your backstory, alright?"

"What do you mean?" he tried to play dumb.

"The gang?" she lowered her voice.

"Oh. Yeah, well I'm not in it anymore." Levi scratched his head. "I don't think you should go after him, honestly."

"What?!" she smiled at the random people staring at her. "What are you talking about?" she talked in a hush whisper this time.

"You could get in serious trouble. So drop it."

* * *

All these thoughts, all these damn problems. If he could get a break for just five minutes... And he can. Question is will he do it again? Yes, he will.

"New phone, who is this?" a deep voice responded from the other side of the line.

"It's me. Could you stop by with another stash real quick?"

"With pleasure." he laughed. "Mind if I bring my boys?"

"Bring whoever you want." Levi mumbled. "Just get over here."

And so he did. Though there was one person in particular he didn't expect nor wanted to see.

"What the fuck is Jean doing here?" Levi growled at Erwin.

"You said I could bring whoever i wanted. Figured You'd like to tell him the good news." Erwin's lips curved up into a smile. "You know, since he's your ex and all."

Levi cringed at the word 'ex'. He can't believe how he could've ever been with such a pathetic excuse for a human.

"If you didn't catch the memo: Jean and I aren't exactly buddy buddy with each other." Levi glared daggers at the slender figure he called horse-face.

"Cocaine will fix your relationship. You were a power couple back when you two were together."

"No, we weren't." both of them said, aggravated.

"Well, boys, I think it's time to snort some magic powder."

\----------

"If you keep telling everyone you're not in our gang anymore, I might just have to throw you out for real." Erwin said while sipping a glass of whiskey.

"That's _why_ I'm telling everyone this." Levi took a swig from the bottle.

"You'll lose your drug privileges."

"Don't need them."

"Clearly." Erwin said, glancing at the table covered in white powder.

The squad jumped up at the sound of a knock on the door.

"Did you invite someone else over?" Levi glanced at Erwin, who shook his head in return.

He opened the door and his brain just kept repeating _'oh shit'_ over and over again.

"Levi? why weren't you answering my calls? Is everything okay?" Eren asked worriedly.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck._

"Everything's fine, just a little busy."

"What the fuck is that fucknut doing here?" Jean's voice echoed from the living room. Levi couldn't begin to describe how much he would've loved to hit him with a baseball bat.

"What is Jean doing over at your place?" Eren pushed through him inside. He saw the whole mess of a coffee table and the squad of guys sprawled out everywhere from the floor to the couch. "What is happening here?"

"I can explain."

"Whoa, Levi, are you building a harem or something?" Erwin finished his glass of whiskey.

"Is your only role to make my life as worse as possible?" Levi shot back.

"What does he mean by that?" Eren looked at him expectantly.

"Didn't you know?" Erwin began spewing out words again.

"Don't push it, big guy. I'm warning you." Levi threatened.

"Jean boy and Mr.Grumpy over here had a thing for each other." Erwin smirked.

"Levi, is that true?" Eren sounded heartbroken.

"Wait til' you hear about-"

"No. This has gone far enough already. You're not ruining this further." Levi cut him off and took Eren to the next room.

"Are you gonna explain what all of that was?" Eren shouted in a whisper. "I thought we beat up those guy so they would leave you alone! Now, not only are they in your house, but your table is littered with cocaine. And now one of them tells me you've had a thing with Jean?! How long were you gonna keep that from me?"

"I wasn't in my right mind, I'm still not-"

"Yeah, I can see that. Your pupils are still dilated!" 

Levi sighed. "I just needed something to take my mind off everything."

"You told me you were clean." his voice was shaking.

"I know, I know..." Levi paused. "It's better if you just go."

"What?" Eren whispered out.

"I said _go_." he doesn't know what came over him. But he couldn't face Eren like this. "Leave."

Without further encouragement, he left. Regret washed over him like a tidal wave.

 

_~Eren~_

 

With conflicted emotions he tried to walk back to the door without showing any of it. Erwin, the gang leader stopped him with his words, though.

"You're welcome to join any time."

"I'll pass on the drug party, thanks." Eren snarled at him.

"I don't mean the drugs." he winked and confidently hung his arms off the back of the couch.

Eren grimaced and shut the door to show his disappointment.

* * *

 

He can't explain how hurt he was by all the shit crumbling on him like a ton of bricks. He wanted to feel angry, but he couldn't. He just felt sad. But he wants to make things right. He misses talking to him. It feels like it's been ages since they saw each other.

Eren came to the party despite there being a bit of a disagreement between the two that lasted days. He just can't stay mad at him. Them not talking is driving him insane. Who cares who's right, who cares about pride? He just wants to talk to him again. The silence is killing him inside.

Though, he was nervous beyond belief, he forced himself to give the door a good knock. He tensed up as the door swung open. Eren's eyebrows furrowed up in an apologetic way when he saw Levi. But Levi wasn't looking at him, maybe he couldn't bring himself to. He felt much the same way. Eren lost his words, he was too afraid to speak. What if he says something wrong again? Before Eren could overcome his anxiety Levi had already disappeared into the crowd of people in his house. Eren sighed and closed the door. A tiny knot of regret resonated inside his stomach.

He was all the same surprised and relieved to see Mikasa lingering by the drinks.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Eren asked her.

"I'm celebrating Christmas." she said nonchalantly. She usually uses this tone of voice when she's up to no good. But Eren let it slip, he has more important things on his mind right now. "I thought you wouldn't come?" Mikasa turned her full attention to him.

"I wasn't planning on coming. I couldn't live with myself after the argument. I needed to apologize..." Eren confessed. "But by the looks of things, it seems like he's avoiding me." Eren scanned the crowd but couldn't find Levi anywhere.

Mikasa put her hand on Eren's shoulder. "I'm sure he thinks you're still mad. You're both so dense when it comes to the other's feelings." she chuckled. It felt like her words meant something else. "You should go talk to him."

"Maybe it's best if I just go home."

"Don't you dare. I won't let you." Mikasa insisted. "I can find him for you if you want."

"It's fine, I'll do it myself." Eren gathered his courage and set out into the crowd.

Just as he pushed through the first row of people he bumped into the person he was searching for.

"Hey, can we talk?" Eren took him by the arm so he wouldn't walk away again.

The pair found a quiet corner of the house where they didn't have to scream at each other to understand what the other is saying. The house had more people than Eren thought it would. After all, Levi seemed like a bit of a loner. Eren didn't know what to say so for a few seconds the two of them stood in silence. Levi was still avoiding eye contact.

"I'm sorry I reacted the way I did..." Eren finally muttered out.

Levi kept his eyes on the wall next to them and didn't say anything.

"I don't want to fight with you. You're one of my best friends. I'd hate to lose you." Eren continued.

Levi seemed more hurt by those words than comforted. He furrowed his eyebrows and closed his eyes.

"I don't want to talk anymore." he simply said. And walked off.

Eren stood there, conflicted.

\---------

Up until the birthday cake came out Eren was brooding with a drink in hand. All evening this woman with strawberry blonde hair kept following Levi around everywhere. He didn't know who she was, but they seemed close.

The same girl stood the closest to him while people sang happy birthday. Eren felt a little jealousy stir up inside. The birthday boy made a wish and everyone cheered. The girl stood up right, took Levi by his arm and stated:

"Attention, everyone! We have a big announcement." There was a slight commotion stirring up in the crowd, she waited until everybody settled down a bit. "Not only is this a Christmas and a birthday party, _but_! It's our engagement party as well."

After hearing those words everything seemed like a haze. It felt like a bad dream, like it wasn't real. It couldn't be, right? Soon the dream-like filter lifted and the reality truly set in.

Then some drunk guy yelled "I dare you two to make out!" 

Eren thought it was bad enough so he hoped they wouldn't actually do it. But the strawberry blonde, even though she was red as a beet, sat on Levi's lap, teasing him, then going full make out. His hands roamed all over her back. The people went wild. Some couples started making out too. Eren felt his heart split in two. No, absolutely _shatter_ into a billion pieces.

He pushed through the crowd desperately trying to get out of the house. He can't look at the scene unfolding behind him. Thankfully it's drifting away more as Eren neared the exit. It was hard to breathe and the lump in his throat hurt progressively with every heavy breath. By the time he was reaching for the door he held his breath because he was afraid that if he were to take a breath he would burst out in tears. He shut the door behind him and he collapsed onto the front porch, finally letting himself bawl his eyes out.

  The cold air kissed his face without mercy. The unending stream of tears was the only thing keeping him warm. Eren kept cursing himself, calling himself stupid for crying over something like this. Even the jolly music seemed to be mocking him. The fact that everyone was so happy and cheerful made him feel even worse. Soon he couldn't take it anymore, stood up and dragged his legs step by step away from the mockingly bright house. Tears still clouded his vision, he could barely see where his step goes. The music behind him faded more and more as he got further away until the silence of a December night deafened him.

He didn't know how long he's been walking, he's just been looking at the ground, counting his steps. It was pretty quiet for awhile, only his occasional sobs would interrupt the almost sacred silence on a snowy Christmas night. Eventually the sound of faint music came back. Eren worried he might've come in a circle, but when he lifted his eyes off the ground he recognized Jean's house in the distance. He debated for a bit whether he should show up uninvited. Maybe he could sneak in, grab a few shots to get him drunk enough so he wouldn't feel this God awful pain. Oh, dear God, it hurt so much, it felt like his lung are going to collapse onto themselves, he wanted to claw out his insides just so it would stop hurting so much.

In his desperation he decided to sneak in through the back. Eren successfully acquired the strong drinks he was yearning for so hard. He felt pathetic while downing half a bottle of vodka. He probably would've drank it all if not for some random person snatching it away from him and scolding him. Eren didn't care at this point. That half a bottle wasn't nearly enough for him. He knows its sad and pathetic. But it works. Alcohol is like pain killers for emotions. But if you have an illness that causes you pain, pain killers are only temporary help, you need to get to the source of the problem and resolve it. Same with alcohol. It might help at the moment, but the pain will still be there the morning after.

After downing another bottle Eren stumbled down the hall. He got his dose, it was time to leave. He used the wall as a crutch; he could barely stand up right. Suddenly a voice form behind him echoed in his ears:

"Eren, what are you doing here?" whoever it was sounded angry. _Damn._

Eren turned around to meet Jean's eyes. Before Eren could spit out an excuse he was already being grabbed by the shoulders and lead into an empty room.

> Out of nowhere, he was pushed down on the bed. But he didn't have the energy, or maybe motivation, to get up. All he could hear was two men talking, he assumed one of them was Jean, then the door shut and the music became quieter as he stared up at the white ceiling patterns. Did he know what was coming to him? Absolutely. It's happened too many times already. But it doesn't even matter anymore, nothing does. 

 

> Eren could feel the lump in his throat coming back as the sound of a belt unbuckling. He didn't want to fight it, but the horrifyingly familiar sound made him react differently. He sat up straight and, with a dizzy head, tried to push the other male away. After doing so almost successfully he ran for the door, but the guy caught him and slammed him against the beige wooden door. Eren's heart fell to his heels. _Not again... No, please._ He prayed.
> 
> "No, you asshole, go away." Eren struggled against his grip
> 
> He ignored the cries of his drunken victim. He turned into an absolute animal: Biting at his neck, licking his body from chest to the belly. All the while Eren was struggling to break free, but to no success. He was way stronger than him. And no matter how many 'No's' he yelled, he just wouldn't stop. Then he completely discarded his lower apparel. The man urged him to put his cock into his mouth. When he refused, he forcefully shoved it down. He gave it a few good thrusts before pulling out when he was hard enough. Then he started ripping off Eren's clothing, leaving him vulnerable. It took moment before he started thrusting inside his ass.
> 
> Eren stared at the ceiling trying to make constellations out of the patterns. Suddenly all those memories of  parties back in high school came rushing back like an avalanche. All those times were too similar to this one. Lead somewhere quiet while the music masks any sounds of struggle. He can't even remember how many times he's been raped while still being in high school. But he was dumb enough to go back to parties, never stopped talking with the people who raped, nor did he tell anyone about it. It almost became routinely. Yet he repeated the same mistakes over and over, now too.
> 
> He just wanted it to be over, it already felt like an eternity. He couldn't hold back tears anymore. For that he received a slap to the face and the harsh words: "Stop crying, it's a huge turn-off."
> 
> After another eternity the whole thing was over. The guy left without a word. Eren was left collapsed on the floor. Shivering and crying.

 

* * *

 

 "Right, everyone left already... " Levi closed the door after the last guest of the evening stumbled out through it. "It's late, you should probably get going too."

"No way! If I stay I get alone time with my sweet hubby." she caressed his face with care and admiration in her eyes.

"Your father will be against you staying out so late." he tried to convince her to go.

"He'll understand if I say I was with you." she isn't easy to push around.

"Alright, I suppose an extra ten minutes won't hurt." he sighed.

"Only ten?" she whined. "I was planning on staying the night..." she pouted, clearly exaggerating. Maybe she thought it made her look cute?

"What are we gonna do all night?" he laughed a breathy laugh. "We already spent half of the night partying. Aren't you tired?"

 "With you, never." she traced her hand down to his chest, her eyes following her movement. She lifted her eyes to meet his as she began lifting his shirt. "I haven't given you your gift yet." her voice was seductive, she moved slow and sneaky almost like a snake.

"What gi-" she shushed him with her finger, letting it linger on his lips before replacing it with her own lips.

"I want you." she whispered in his ear before biting it. He'd be lying if he said that didn't send shivers down his spine and make him hard. The next thing he felt was her hand down his pants.

"Wait," he stopped her hand. "we really shouldn't."

"Do mean you want to wait until we're married?" she pulled back. You could tell she was a bit freaked out.

"No, no, that's not what I-" Levi was interrupted by Petra again.

"Don't worry, I took safety precautions." she winked and went right back into her seductive character.

"Petra, that's not what-" she shut him up by stuffing her tongue in his mouth.

They continuously made out for about a minute before she jumped up on him. He held her by her rear and seemed to get more and more into it, into _her_ , as it progressed. He plopped her down on the couch and lied on top of her. She didn't need to take the lead anymore. She got him winded up like a machine, he planted his lips anywhere he could, traced his hands on every curve of her body. All that as soft moans escaped her partly open mouth. He finally took off the first layer of clothes on her to reveal gorgeous lingerie lined with jewels. He payed little attention to whether they were real or just glass as he was too busy removing it from her.

He bit her underwear band and slowly, so agonizingly slowly, removed it. She squirmed on the leather couch, eager to feel his touch. Her top see-through lingerie covered her cunt.

"Just touch me already." she unbuckled his belt and took out his cock. She gave it a good suck and begged him to put it inside of her.

He couldn't hold out himself. He began thrusting inside of her. He went in and out, in and out. Picking up the pace as he goes. Her moans being his fuel. He wanted her _bad._ He didn't know he wanted her so until he was surrounded by her warmth. She finished just before him. She quivered with pleasure and let out her final moans.

* * *

The morning after he was flushed with a cocktail of emotions. Absolute chaos in his head. He found Petra sleeping beside him in his bed. He knew what they did last night. Her clothes were still scattered everywhere. He felt... happy. He liked seeing her pale skin being caressed by the gentle morning sunlight. She looked so peaceful just lying there, only a sheet to cover her.

But...he thought... _maybe it was just that - a thought._

 "I'm sorry, Eren..." Levi held his head in his hands while sitting on the edge of his bed.

 

* * *

_~Eren~_

 

 Eren threw his pillow to the side after lying there and suffocating under it for about ten minutes. After lack of oxygen in his lungs he decided it would be better if he just closed the blinds. That damned sun.

Physically he's feeling way worse, but he's gone emotionally numb. Just a "who cares" attitude. He did care, though, a lot. He plopped back in bed, feeling miserable. Eren reached for his phone and called his mom.

"Hey, mom."

"Hey, Eren, is everything okay?"

"Yeah," he groaned in pain. "Just a slight headache... Mom, I was thinking maybe I could come home for a bit?"

"Sure, but why the sudden change of heart?"

"I just missed home. That's all." Eren hugged his pillow.

"Do you want me to come pick you up today?"

"That'd be great, mom. Thanks." Eren smiled slightly despite knowing she couldn't see him. 

"No problem. I'll be right there."

_beep._

 Eren stared up at the ceiling. He's already gotten used to this room's patterns.

_And so we will part today, good friend._

 Eren bit his pillow as he remembered yesterday events. His headache was more distracting, however.

\------

"What's with all the stuff?" Sasha asked peeking into his room.

"Ah, I'm just packing. I'm leaving today so..." Eren felt a tad bit embarrassed.

"Leaving for the holidays?"

"No, I think I'm gonna stay over at my parents' house from now on." Eren continued his packing.

"What?! No, you can't leave!" she swung open the doors and almost left a hole in the wall. "We bonded! We're basically best friends now!" she exclaimed. Loud "shut up"'s echoed through the hallway of the dorm.

"Calm down, I'm only going to live there. I'll still be attending classes with you." Eren gave her a reassuring smile.

"It's not the same..." she looked down.

Eren didn't know how to answer her. His phone rang. It was his mom telling him she's already there. Soon Mikasa showed up at his room with Armin as her companion.

"Hey, guys." Eren waved and picked up a couple of his suitcases.

"So you're leaving, huh?" Armin gave a half smile.

"Yeah... By the way, where have you been gone, Armin?" Eren asked.

"Buried myself in books at the library... I know, I know, you don't have to say it out loud."

"Nerd..." Sasha whispered from the corner of the room.

"Text me when you get there, okay? And take care of mom." Mikasa gave him a kiss on a cheek and smiled at him. He nodded and did the same.

He gave a wave as he left his room with the final bag. Now he was gone form view.

"So who are you?" Mikasa asked referring to Sasha.

* * *

The ride back home was pleasant. A nostalgia of sorts washed over him as he saw the old familiar roads he hasn't seen for four months. Nothing's changed much. It's the first time that comforted him. Thankfully his mom didn't ask any questions. Just the occasional "how are you feeling?".

Home sweet home, he thought as he entered his room and took a deep breath of the all-too-familiar scent of the house. The comfort almost completely took away the pain he felt about last night.

 He indulged himself in  materialistic pleasures to ease the pain as much as possible. Waiting for this goddamned year to be over. There isn't much waiting left. New Year's is right around the corner.

 


	7. Chapter 7

 ~Eren~

 

The few days between Christmas and New year's feel like a hazy dream. It's like the rift connecting the end of the year with the beginning of a new one. His mom is at work as well as his father and he's left to linger in the house alone. Usually when he'd be on break from school, he'd have Armin or Mikasa to keep him company or to chase away boredom. 

Eren traced his hand down the smooth wooden railing while going downstairs. Taking in the view of his house after every step he landed. The house he hasn't seen in four months, yet it doesn't seem changed at all. It's like the last period of his life didn't even happen, like it was all some weirdly fucked up dream. He would actually be glad if it was all just a dream, and he has yet to leave for uni. Well, maybe not  _all_... He enjoyed the time he spent with Levi however brief it was. It would all be much simpler if he hadn't caught feelings for him. But at the same time he's glad to feel this way. 

 The quiet roar of the fireplace and the warmth of the blanket lulled him to sleep. He melted into the couch like it was the softest cloud in the sky. He never realized just how much he missed home. 

The cracking of the burning logs brought him back to the time after the fight when Levi and him tried to warm up after freezing outside just to give off an impression. The memory made a smile grow on his face. But the smile didn't last long as the scene from the Christmas party replaced the tiny, pleasant moments with him. 

He sighs into his blanket. He woke up from, what he presumed was, a twenty minute nap to find that it had already gotten dark outside and the fireplace was barely keeping alive. His parents must be back soon. He needs to get ready for tomorrow's New year's party...

* * *

 ~Levi~

 

The days without him feel dull and longer than they actually are. He hasn't received a single text from Eren ever since Christmas. They have fought before but it usually ended with one of them texting the other like nothing ever happened. When he left like that, just out of the blue, Levi was worried sick. He wasn't answering any of his calls, not even texts. When he brought it up to Mikasa she assured him he was fine, he just went home for some time. 

 _Some time_.

The ambiguity made his insides turn. He knew that it wouldn't just be some time. He hoped to god he was wrong, but everything in his gut told him he wasn't. 

He kept beating himself up for not talking to him when he still wanted to apologise. He was selfish. And now he can't even apologise for  _that_. He fucked up so badly. 

Thoughts about him kept buzzing in his head. It's all he could ever think about since he slept with her. Well, him  _and_  her. They wouldn't leave his mind...

She tastes so sweet. Like strawberries and cream. Her skin as smooth as silk, her voice so calming and soft, even when she laughs. She's got him mesmerized, under a spell. 

But that doesn't make him feel any less guilty. If anything it makes the situation worse. I mean, Eren had just broke up with that imbecile, they started hanging out more and it really felt like they were getting somewhere. But Levi just had to go ahead and ruin everything by being pissy and falling into his old habits. 

 He really likes him. Really really really likes him. Levi isn't sure if he's allowed to anymore. Maybe it would be best to stay away from him. After all, he is engaged and by the looks of it - he isn't getting out of it easy. 

* * *

 

"He's worried about you. And I am too. What's going on with you?" Her voice echoed through the phone. 

"I just needed a break. I'm fine." Eren kept fighting the urge to hang up on her. 

"That's what I told him, but you can't keep lying to me." Mikasa sighed. "Is it because of what happened at the party?" 

"What do _you_ think." His tone grew harsh.

"I'm sorry... I know it must hurt, but I think I'd be good to talk to him." 

"I don't want to ruin my holidays any more than they already are." He hung up this time. 

He looked at the decorations he put up and sighed. He just wants to forget about all that for one night. He knows he can't just run away, but he'll keep doing it for as long as it works. 

His mom urged him to help her lay the table for the guests. All of them are his parents' friends. But what better way to escape your life than to dive into those of people who've lived longer than him. 

* * *

 ~Levi~

 

He could use a night where he just doesn't think. What better way to do that than get wasted in a party filled with crazed students who only seem to care about getting shit-faced drunk

 Luckily, his friend, Isabella,  is hosting a party at her apartment. It isn't a very big place, certainly not big enough to have a party with fifty people, but she's too stubborn to accept that fact. 

Levi could use a change of faces. The only person he knows there is her. Everyone else is just a background person he's seen once or twice. 

Even if the deafeningly loud music and large crowds wasn't exactly his scenery, it felt refreshing. Though it was hard to push through the crowd of people. Already, it was hot and it felt hard to breathe. But, that's a party for you.

He got pulled to the drinks by his friend, who tried to make conversation with him, but was taken into the crowd by a couple of girls. He laughed to himself and poured a drink that he finished in about five minutes. He drank a couple more before taking a break. Levi stumbled into the balcony, the sudden cold made him shiver, though it was a nice change in contrast to the room inside. However, he didn't get much fresh air as there was a group of people smoking in the balcony beside him. They offered him a cigarette, but he refused. That's as much interaction as he got from them. Though, he had to hold some girl's hair as she threw up over the railing. 

\------

It was well past midnight. The beginning of a new year... 

Barely any people still stuck around. A couple were asleep on the couch and several others passed out in the kitchen. 

Levi was half lying down in his chair, holding his drink on his chest for stability. He was almost sober, but he could barely keep his eyes open. 

He kept looking at the ceiling, which was coloured in dancing lights. Faded beats of the music were more of a lulliby than anything else. His thoughts naturally wandered to Eren. _I wonder what he's doing right now.._.

He fidgeted with his phone, almost spilling his drink.

He doesn't even remember how he called him, but the voice on the other side made it clear he wasn't dreaming it up.

"Happy New year's..." He slurred out. 

"Happy New year's..?" The boy on the line sounded confused. "That's all you've got to say?"

"I'm sorry. I really fucked up, but can you please forgive me?" There was an uncomfortable pause of silence. For a moment he thought he'd hung up. "I really care about you... I'm sorry..."

"Congratulations on the engagement." He sounded cold and distant. Levi's stomach turned in knots. 

"Please... Will you listen to me?" He wanted to fix this so bad. 

"There's nothing left to say..." 

"I like you."

There was the silence again. 

"Is this some sort of sick joke?!" Eren sounded angry now.

_No..._

The beeping from the phone stopped him from saying anything. He held his head in his hands, on in the verge of passing out. 

* * *

 

_I like you._

Eren was I overcome with rage that he threw his phone on the floor, making it shatter in every direction. 

_Fuck fuck fuck_

He quickly collected the pieces and reassembled his phone with shaky hands. Levi's last words echoing in his head on repeat like a broken record. 

Does he think he can just play around with me like that? 

He stormed out of the kitchen and into the living room where everyone was gathered. 

"Sweety, did you bring the pie like I asked you? " his mother got up from her seat and moved closer. She noticed his darkened expression and lead him back to the kitchen. "Hey, what happened?" 

He didn't say anything, just lifted up his scratched and cracked phone up to her field of vision.

"What'd you do that for?" Her voice was completely calm and collected. 

He would've told her, but he broke down into tears. And all she could do was hold him in a hug until he calmed down. Of course, he tried to be as quiet as he could as to not alarm any of the guests. 

Once he calmed down, she gently stroked his hair. "Are you ready to talk yet?" 

"Well..." 

And so he told her everything that happened over the last few months, leaving out the worst details. She continued holding him, and that was enough. She nodded every once in a while to show that she was listening. When he stopped talking she still wouldn't let go of him. He was grateful for that...

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, baby." He could feel her voice vibrate through her chest. "But you know, people don't just say they like someone if they don't mean it. Especially not the person's face..." 

"It feels like he's just saying that to get me to listen..." 

"That doesn't mean he doesn't feel that way about you. My advice would be to talk to him, power through it if you have to." 

"Thanks, mom..." He smiled, pulling away. A little embarrassed, but relieved. 

* * *

 ~Levi~

Somebody pulled him to bed. He barley caught a glimpse of red hair as unconsciousness took him away again. 

The next morning, or rather a few hours later, he was woken up by his friend lightly kicking him. 

"C'mon, get up." She handed him a glass of water, which he gladly took.

"Thanks." He chugged it down and groaned at the bright light coming from the window. 

"Man, I haven't seen you drink that much for a  _long_ time."  She put her hands on her hips. "Did something happen?" She sounded concerned.

"It's not important..." He fell back into the bed.

"You don't talk to me anymore... You even called in sick to work for a week." She dropped her usual bratty posture and sat next to him on the bed. "What's bothering you?" 

"I'm engaged." He looked at her with desperation as her eyes grew wide. 

"And you failed to mention that?!" She threw her hands in the air. "Who is it?"

"It's Petra." 

"But she lives in another country... plus you haven't talked to her in years!" 

"She moved just a couple of weeks ago to the same neighbourhood as me... And the first day she arrived, her dad and my uncle decided it was best for their businesses, or whatever, for us to get married." 

"Damn. That's pretty fucked... What about Eren?" 

"Eren... He hates me now." He sighed, covering his eyes with his hand.

"Because you were forced into a marriage?" She crossed her arms. 

"I don't know...no... he doesn't know." He groaned.

"Are you gonna tell him?" 

"He isn't talking to me...I told him I like him after new year's, but... He hung up." 

"Harsh..." She looked sympathetic. "He seemed really nice."

"He is." He curled his fingers around the duvet, avoiding eye contact with her. "He  was involved with Jean romantically..."

"Oh no." 

"Yeah..." he paused. Then finally met her eyes. "What do I do? I really like him, but he doesn't believe me. And what's worse is..." He cut himslef off.

"What..?"

He debated whether to say it ir not.

"I slept with _her._ And I liked it." 

"Sweet Jesus, you are in quite the pickle, aren't you?" 

"How can I even begin to fix this?" 

"Honesty?"

"I tried that already, he fucking hung up on me." 

"Try getting him to meet you face to face. He can't hang up if it's a physical conversation. "

"Easier said than done."

"But still doable."

* * *

 ~Eren~

 

He played with his almost empty cup of tea. While he was staring at his reflection a genius idea shot through his mind like an arrow. Except, it was absolutely awful. 

-

"No."

"I'm gonna do it regardless." 

"No fucking way I'm letting you so this." Obviously Mikasa wasn't too happy with the idea.

"I shouldn't have told you, now you're just gonna ruin it!"

"I'm not letting you make a fucking mistake. You are  _not_ getting back together with Jean again." 

"I won't actually be with him. I just need to use him for a bit."

"That's fucked." 

"You got a better suggestion?"

"Yeah. Not fucking doing this." She sighed. "I know you're mad at him, but this isnt the way to handle things."

"He has the audacity to mock me, so I'm gonna show him that I can bite too."

"Don't- " He hung up. 

He needs to stop hanging up on people...

\--------

Eren's phone lit up with a notification. Durable little baby. His phone has gone through more shit than him and it's still doing its job. 

He picked it off the bedside table and was conflicted on how to feel. It was a message from Levi. It read:  "let's meet up soon. Please."

His instinct was to write "no" but he deleted it and sent a simple "okay". God knows what came over him to suddenly want to talk about the whole shit-show. 

The next message came with a time and place. He didn't bother replying this time.

 -------

 How perfect. He wants to meet and talk. Now he just needs to text Jean and get him back somehow. 

Just a simple hey should be fine.

He was surprised when a reply came almost instantly. 

"What do you want?"

Should he be direct about it?

"I know I've been an asshole to you, but do you think we could get back together?" He felt disgusted, but the spite for him burned stronger than the repulsiveness.

"You're fucking kidding me, right? What, it didn't work out with that gremlin so you're crawling back to me?"

He can't do this...

"Look, you know I don't like you... But I just need to pretend that we're together." 

"What for?" 

"I just want to get back at him..."

He could practically hear the cackles behind the crying-laughing emojis he sent in return. 

"I hate you, I'm not gonna lie. But I hate him more so..." 

"Will you do it?"

"No. I won't let you just use me for your petty little games."

"Please." 

"Which part of no did you not understand?"

"What if I gave you something in return?"

"I don't need your money."

"I mean something else." His every cell kept screaming 'don't do this'.

"Oh? Like What?"

"What do you want?" 

"Hmmm. I'll tell you after the whole deal." 

"Fine." 

The deal was made. But unease took its grip around him. He felt like it will go wrong.

* * *

 Eren made a few changes to their meeting place. He also said he wanted to meet his new fiancée. That way he had an excuse to show off their relationship with Jean. Although, he wasn't sure he would do well seeing them together. 

Levi reluctantly agreed and now he was on the way to his house. Eren didn't want to go back to that damned city. Taking the bus wasn't such a bright idea as memories flooded back and suddenly he wasn't so sure about doing this anymore.

He went through with it regardless. He met up with Jean, which was way more awkward than he expected. Plus Jean acted weird the whole time. Did he really hate him this much? 

They arrived at his house and the reaction he got when he saw the pair standing at the door made the awkward walk worth it. But it was just the beginning. He opened his mouth to say something rude, but instead welcomed them inside. 

Once they entered the living room, the girl jumped up from the sofa and ran to hug both of them. 

"Nice to see you again, Jean!" She turned to Eren. "I don't believe we've met before? I'm Petra, his-"

"Fiancée. Yes, I saw you at the Christmas party. "He slapped on the best smile he could managed.

"Oh, how embarrassing!" She laughed. "I don't know what came over me then." 

"It was quite the show." Eren kept the same smile, now looking at Levi. He wrapped his arm around Jean's when he turned his eyes to them.

He hid his emotions well, though the tiny glimpses he let slip out made him very satisfied. 

They kept chatting about this and that when Eren scooted closer to his partner, swinging his legs over his lap, practically sitting on his thigh. The other boy wasn't taken by surprise, tracing his hand down his legs, and the other on his waist. He flinched slightly at the touch, but felt amused by the look on Levi's face. Levi looked like he was about to explode. Which unsettled him a little. 

"You two are so cute together!" Petra awed, resting her head on Levi's shoulder. The latter jolted a little. 

Eren let out an amused hum and kissed him. His heart was about to jump out of his chest. But he kept up the act. 

"Eren, help me in the kitchen, will you?" The next moment he saw Levi's figure looming over them. 

He grew red. He couldn't explain why... 

 "But I'm so comfortable here." He wrapped his arm around Jean's neck, pulling him closer.

"Please?" He sounded _slightly_ pissed off.

Eren obliged and followed behind him. Finally letting his smile drop. He jumped as he shut the door behind them. 

"What the fuck?" His voice was low, but harsh. 

"What?"

"You and Jean! I though you broke up."

"We had a fight. Mind your own business." He crossed his arms.

"Did you forget all the shit he's done to you?" He was getting uncomfortably close. Eren backed away, his back hitting the wall. 

"Of course not." Eren grew angry. He clenched his fists by his sides.

"Then why would you go back to that?" 

"Why does it fucking matter to you?!" He burst.

Levi winced at his sudden outburst. 

"Because I care about you!" 

Eren rolled his eyes to hide the tears threatening to escape. 

"Go find someone else to care about. Like, I don't know, your fucking fiancée." He swallowed hard. "When were you going to tell me?" 

"Today! I wanted to see you today so i could explain everything to you. " 

"There's nothing to explain. You obviously love her. And I'm happy for you. You don't hear me spitting my opinion about how wrong she is for you." His eyes are burning. 

"Listen to me-" 

"No, I'm fucking done. Coming here was a mistake..." He went out the door before Levi could say anything more. 

Eren threw on his fabricated smile and went back. He sat down in his lap again. Out of pure spite. 

"Is everything alright?" He asked. 

Eren nodded in return. "Just perfect." 

Levi came to join them soon after. She happily clung to him. Eren let his smile drop again, on accident this time. 

\----

It was time for them to leave, but while Jean and Petra talked by the door, Levi pulled him aside. 

"Stay a little longer." He suggested. 

"I was gonna go back to Jean's with him. I can't just let him go alone." 

"Please, I really need to talk to you." 

"I don't want to hear your moral stories again. "

"I promise it's not gonna be that." 

"Fine. I'll go talk to him." He sighed.

He approached the oddly calm and happy Jean. 

"Ready to go?" He asked in a bubbly tone.

"Actually...let's go outside for a bit."

The cold air cleared his mind a little. Made him less nervous.

"He wants me to stay over and talk." Eren began.

"Are you gonna stay?" His voice didn't change. 

"If you're okay with going home by yourself." He shrugged.

"It's fine. I hope it works out between you two. Maybe then you'll leave me alone. Cuz you two have been a _pain_ in my ass." He laughed. Eren joined. "Well, goodnight." He patted him on the shoulder and started walking away.

"Oh, by the way, she knows you two have heart-eyes for each other." He turned briefly and winked at him. "Or at least suspects it."

Eren grew red. Is he really that obvious? 

Eren waved him goodbye and went back inside. He found Levi impatiently pacing the floor. He turned his attention to Eren when he heard the door shut. 

"I'm glad you didn't run away..." 

Eren squeezed out a chuckle. They sat by the stairs. Quiet for a while. 

"I don't know where to begin..." 

Eren kept waiting patiently. 

"I'm gonna feel bad for saying this, but I don't actually love her."

Eren shot his eyes up to meet his. Confusion washed over him. 

"I didn't even propose to her." He sighed. "It was an arrangement made by my uncle and her father. The whole thing just happened so quick that I didn't have time to register it fully." 

"Why don't you oppose it now?" 

"I'm scared..."He admitted. "I'm afraid of what would happen if I refused." 

"What's the worst that could happen?" 

He shook his head."I wanted to apologise for how stubborn I was when you came to apologise..." 

"I'm not mad at you for that." Eren spat out instinctively. 

"Then what _are_ you mad about?" 

A deep blush painted Eren's face. "N-nothing." He looked down at his fidgeting hands. 

"Was it because of the cocaine?" 

Eren almost forgot about that whole deal. But clung to it.

"I guess?" His face grew even hotter. 

"Hey, are you feeling okay? You're shaking." 

"I'm fine." He wasn't fine. "Actually," oh what the hell, what does he have to lose..."I was heartbroken when I saw you and her at that party." Now even he could feel himself shaking. 

"I'm sorry. I truly am." He put his hand over his trembling ones. It really didn't help.  

Eren forced himself to look up at him. And then he couldn't look away. 

"I like you. I've liked you for a while now and...seeing you with her... It was just too much for me." 

"I'm so sorry... I like you, too. But you didn't believe me." He chuckled, but for the first time his voice was shaking. 

By this point his face was boiling hot. He felt the hornets come to life again. It filled him both with happiness and dread. His breathing became uneven. 

"Is this a dream?" 

Levi shook his head. "It's real." He had the sweetest smile. 

"I've wanted this for so long..." He whimpered. 

"Me too..." 

They leaned in, closing the space between them. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. It's like he truly felt alive for the first time. Like flowers were blooming inside his veins. He couldn't even hear the footsteps coming down the stairs. 

Footsteps. 

They both pulled away, both looking horrified as Petra stared at them in shock. 

"Petra-" he called out. But she dashed upstairs. "Fuck..." He looked back at Eren standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Wait here. "

He nodded. He buried his face in his hands. He felt the happiest man alive. But he couldn't help but feel horrible that she saw them. 

He couldn't keep still. He stopped thinking, his brain was completely fried. He grabbed his jacket and went out the door. He ran, not looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all fucking enjoyed this   
> Btw these babies aren't in the clear yet ;) there's still a lot of shit waiting for them


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